When you first begin to lose your appetite todepression, you hardly notice.
For me, it started off as not being able to finish meals.
I didnt think it was a big deal.
TJ Macke/Stocksy
So what if I couldntclean my plate?
Its not like thats the healthiest habit anyway.
But what started as something benign quickly became more sinister.
The thing was, I wasnt depriving myself because I was trying to lose weight.
I was doing it because I couldnt remember to eat.
This was new for me.
Aside from a few bouts of the stomach flu, Id never really not had an appetite.
Food was my whole life (and, as a food writer, it still is).
I could always count on food to bring me joy, and then one day I couldnt.
I didnt know what to blame my sudden lack of interest in eating on.
I had always dug into bowls of ice cream and plates of pasta with gusto.
As my taste for food disappeared, so went my interest in pretty much everything.
At one point, a friend asked me what music I’d been into lately.
“I don’t like music anymore” was the only response I could come up with.
I wasn’t sad, or mad, or angry.
I just couldn’t feel anything.
All I wanted to do was sleep.
I kept hoping to wake up and feel the way I used to.
Or at least to feel something.
And yet, I didn’t realize that I was depressed.
Slowly, yes, but they were returning.
First, I felt the occasional burst of excitement for my upcoming move to college in New York.
Then, a wince of sadness at the thought of leaving my family.
By the time I set foot in my dorm, all of my emotions were returning rapidly.
They were dull, to be sure, but they were there.
We arrived at a deli.
Not a good one, but I didn’t know that as a college freshman.
I ordered a brie and apple sandwich because it sounded fancy.
My appetite was back, and so was I.
But then things became difficult again.
My appetite was disappearing again, but this time I wouldn’t let it go without a fight.
I sought outa therapistand did some research on what it means to be depressed.
The first thing I did was look up thesymptoms of depression.
Seeing “lack of appetite” listed as a symptom on WebMD provided me no comfort.
But as far as I could tell, there was little comfort to be found on the Internet.
I didnt have an appetite, Teigen wrote.
I could relate.)
At that point, I had pretty much figured out that depression was at the root of my symptoms.
Since then, I’ve been in counseling on and off.
Ive taken medicine, seen doctors, practiced meditation, and dealt head-on with thebeast that is depression.
Its been a long process (seven years and counting), and some days I still struggle.
But I have measures in place to keep me regular.
When I don’t have the drive to eat, I make a meal plan or have a snack.
The more you skip meals, the worse you’re likely to feel.
Two years into college, I found myself in another bout of depression.
It pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to continue eating and adventuring.
And it really helped.
If you believe youre depressed, talk with your primary-care doctor or contact amental-health professional.
it’s possible for you to also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for more immediate help.
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