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Imagine for a minute what it was like to eat as a young child.
LauriPatterson
But like a lot of us, I outgrew that carefree relationship with food.
I finally found freedom from my rigid thinking and behaviors around food, but it was a difficult journey.
My story is probably pretty relatable to lots of people, young women in particular.
I had a typical childhood, that was altogether pretty uneventful.
I was putting a lot of pressure on myself.
My benchmark for success was my older brother, who had always been outstanding both academically and at debate.
I told myself I needed to do just as well as him, if not better.
And then there were extracurriculars: I participated in a ton of them.
Eat a small packed lunch.
Get praised for my self-control.
Go to bed with a growling stomach.
Id always be skinny and Id know exactly how to eat.
During college, I only became more obsessed with food and soon, exercise.
I thought about food all the time.
As I restricted more, I started bingeing on food at night.
To compensate, I ran long miles each day.
After years of struggling to feel normal around food, I learned about this thing called intuitive eating.
One of my graduate school classmates presented on the topic and I was intrigued.
I didnt believe it.
She encouraged me to look into intuitive eating more and really consider it.
At this point I was just a couple of months into my career as a registered dietitian.
I had always assumed that something was wrong with me and that I must be addicted to sugar.
It wasnt always easy.
In the past, a good or bad number in the morning would make or break my day ahead.
But no matter what the number was, it never brought me happiness.
But I took baby steps.
I challenged my diet rules by bringing foods into my kitchen that were once off limits.
Instead of viewing food as simply nutrients and calories, I developed a curiosity for experimenting with foods.
I didnt enjoy cooking before this period of my life.
I wanted my clients to experience this same joy around food.
Ill never forget reading about howmost diets fail.
One of the hardest parts of my journey was examining my identity as a runner.
While running helped me temporarily relieve stress, I also used it to numb my emotions.
Now, I found new ways to cope with challenging moments in my life.
I began journaling and eventually started seeing a therapist again.
At the same time, I started trying new forms of exercise.
I practiced yoga and began asking myself what other types of movement bring me joy.
Some days that was going for a walk while listening to a podcast.
Other days my joyful movement waslifting weights.
I was more in tune with my bodys desires than ever before.