Learning to live with achronic illnessis a lot like throwing darts at a moving target in the dark.
And when you add another person into the mix, things can get even trickier.
It’s thought that the disease amplifies pain by affecting the way the brain interprets pain signals.
Image Source/Getty Images/Graphic by Cristina Cianci
Well figure this out, he said.
And well do it together.
“Men are more socialized to provide the financial resources.
I am curious to see if this changes with millennials.”
Why are you even with me?
The answers always the same.
Because I love you, he says simply.
And you dont give up on the ones you love.
From the very beginning, Nick and I promised wed get through this together.
That requires honestyI dont hide when Im not feeling well, and he doesnt hide his frustration.
That means asking specific questions and really listening to the answers.
Instead of How are you feeling today?
Nick might ask, On a scale of 1-10, how high is your pain?
While dealing with illness is taxing, so is living with someone who does.
That also means we work to educate one another.
As weve gone through this chronic illness journey together, weve had to learn where my boundaries are.
He compares that heightened response to tuning an instrument.
Pain processing is akin to the loudness of an electric guitar, Dr. Clauw tells SELF.
To make the guitar louder, you might either strum the strings harder (i.e.
there is something going on in the tissues) or increase the volume control on the amplifier (i.e.
there is something going on in the brain)which then makes all pain and sensory information more intense.
That means we have to plan carefully, but it doesnt mean we stop going out.
Keeping us resentment-free requires a three-tiered approach.
First, my rheumatologist keeps my physical health in check.
Second, my talk therapist provides tools to keep our mental healthand our marriagestable.
And third, my husband and I work together to implement those tools and keep our relationship strong.
They report about20 percent of people with fibromyalgiaalso struggle with anxiety or depression.
That rhythm only works if were totally honest about what each of us needs from the other.
Emotionally supporting each other is as important as, say, replacing the toilet paper.
For both of our well-being, weve agreed that has to be OK.
Dealing with chronic illness is a long road, but so is our life together.
The first time I shared my health challenges, Nick shrugged and said it didnt matter.
It still doesnt, and it never will.
Because we dont give up on the ones we love.
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