The truth was that I was finally having thesexI wanted.
My career transformation was the bonus cherry on top.
Taking control of my sex life was a long process.
Photo of the author courtesy of O.school
I was 24 before I felt comfortable enough to look at my owngenitals.
The results were powerful.
Here are a few ways that getting in touch with my sexuality spilled over into my professional calling.
I learned to listen to my intuition.
I used to be really uncomfortable even trying to think about my own pleasure.
In bed, I was often completely focused on the other person.
I would shut down when a partner would say, Lets makeyoufeel good.
What do you like?
Making time forpleasurehelped me strengthen this sexual intuition.
One thing that really got me there was orgasmic meditation.
This kind of gut instinct became a guiding compass for me atwork, too.
I listen to everyones advice, but then I listenmostto what feels right in my body.
I know something is right for mein sex or at workwhen I feel curious, connected, and attentive.
I feel calm and can see the pros and cons.
Listening to my intuition, no matter the situation, has rarely steered me wrong.
I practiced asking for what I want.
It was one of the sweetest and, surprisingly, most pleasurable gestures I had ever experienced.
Experimenting with clear communication in bed built up my confidence to do the same in a professional environment.
Ive learned to be incredibly specific when it comes to asking for what I want at work.
I didnt wait around hoping to have a commensurate raise land in my lap.
I got all of it.
That probably wont happen every time, but it definitely wouldnt have happened if I hadnt asked.
I realized that connecting with my body clears my mind.
When Im feeling too uptight, that usually means I havent made time forself-care.
My sexuality plays a big role in renewing my energy.
Im funnier, more powerful, and more relaxed on stage at speaking events.
I can tell people read me as more confident and interact with me differently.
Feeling connected to my body is not limited tosex.
Sometimes its a massage.
Restoring myself in this way has become so important that I actually putself-caretime on my color-coded calendar.
(It gets the honor of being purple.)
Self-care is in the mix with my meetings and appointments because its just asif not moreimportant.
I learned to establish firm boundaries.
From a young age, I was taught that my body didnt fully belong to me.
(As are many of us.)
Sometimes I had to kiss and hug relatives when I didnt want to.
This thinking persisted for years.
One day in college, a guy in class with me started rubbing my leg under the table.
I couldnt move or say anything because I still didnt feel in charge of my own body.
I started to unlearn these lessons throughkinkand role playing.
A Kink 101 class taught me that nothing sexual should happen without discussing boundaries and consent.
This sense of control transferred to my career.
Ive realized that, ultimately, I get to choose how I spend my time.
(Granted, this is a privilege that I have due to my being an entrepreneur.)
I stopped caring about looking stupid.
When I first tried to explore dirty talk and role play, I struggled with this big time.
Then I decided to view it as a game of improv.
That got me out of my this is dumb thought patterns, and I found myself surprisingly turned on.
That same fear of appearing stupid used to block the creativity mycareerneeds to make it thrive.
She made me mime my talks with really exaggerated gestures.
It felt horribly uncomfortable.
Its all because I was no longer holding back due to fear.
Being able to apply lessons Ive learned through my sexual experiences to my career is even better.
