I remember it clearly: I was a high school junior staring at the blinking cursor on mycollege admissionsapplication.
Tell us about a person who has had a profound impact on your life, the essay prompt read.
However, I was compelled to write about my middle schoolbest friend.
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And that laid the foundation for who I hoped to become in college and beyond.
You want to write aboutRachael?
my mother asked, worried this was a flippant way to answer a serious question.
But when she read my essay for errors, she shed tears.
Almost 20 years later, I’m still thinking about Rachael.
Yes, most of us love our friends and enthusiastically show up for them.
Pushing back against the relationship escalator takes a fair amount of introspection and intentional action.
In 2006, Nordgren published a pamphlet calledThe Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy.
It laid out several core tenets of the philosophy, including the idea that relationshipsand their commitmentsare customizable.
Youre not expected to prioritize your mother just by virtue of her being so.
Youre not expected to live with a romantic interest over a platonic connection.
Instead, you organize your life around the relationships that are most meaningful to you.
(In fact, even using words likefriendandpartnerhere arguably flies in the face of the entire philosophy.)
For Dan L., 29, relationship anarchy was not an intentional path.
Despite meeting the One in college and getting married at 21, they felt unfulfilled.
It didnt immediately occur to Dan that the problem might be with rigid norms society imposes.
We always hear It takes a village when it comes to raising a child, Dan says.
But I never see people celebrating the commitment and trust of a lifelong friendship.
For Dan, relationship anarchy centers self-determination.
It felt like unfolding an air mattress from the box, Dan says of leaving traditional relationship models behind.
Theres no way were getting that thing back in there.
I practice polyamory, recognizing how unexamined monogamy can be harmful and limiting.
Sometimes its as simple as buying friends and partners equally awesomebirthday gifts.
The idea is: I allow the light in my life to be as vast as it is bright.
I give myself permission to love without inhibitions.
A multifaceted system will always be more supportive than a singular focus for me.
And with relationship anarchy, I can more fully engage in the most meaningful connections with boundless abundance.
