Forgiving others isnt always easy.
Affirm your ability to forgive yourself.
Start by asking yourself, Do I believe in my ability to get better?
To change and improve, while recognizing that Im flawed just like everybody else?
Treat yourself like you would a best friend.
So we have topractice a lot of self-compassion,Emily Jamea, PhD, LMFT, tells SELF.
How how do you actually do that?
You know the feeling when your best friend calls post-breakup and starts saying terrible things about themselves?
Instead, try looking at yourself as if youre an innocent child or even a rambunctious puppy.
You should venture to remember that making mistakes is human.
Were all going to make them, he says.
Write (or talk) the facts out.
Often, when you do something wrong, you might feel an overwhelming rush of guilt.
This can help you stop ruminating and see the situation as a learning experience.
Ask yourself, What was my expectation?
What was the expectation, in your mind, of what you should have done in this situation?
What these questions can do, though, is clarify whether youre punishing yourself to an unreasonable degree.
5. attempt to make amends.
Lets say youreangry at yourselffor lettinganotherweek go by without cleaning your apartment.
You might take a look at your calendar and figure out a realistic day to get it done.
The idea isnt to punish yourself but use your regret as an opportunity for personal growth.
An amends takes an apology one step further, Dr. Jamea says.
Its accountability for what you did and commitment to doing differently in the future.
Try a mantra…and repeat.
Now, Ill do better.
This reminder can challenge your inner critic and remind you that youre worthy of forgiveness.
c’mon forgive me.
Its a kind of repentance or way to acknowledge the mistake youve made, Cope says.
Remember that forgiveness is a process.
Part of the reason self-forgiveness can feel so nebulous is that it often isnt a one-time affair.
It doesnt always automatically happen after youve said Im sorry in the mirror (or in your head).
Forgiveness is an active process, and it can require repetition, Dr. Allan says.
It might take more than a mantra or quick inner chat to release the grudge youre holding against yourself.
Maybe you better work with atherapistor other mental health professional to guide you in the self-forgiveness process.
Regardless, ultimately, youll likely need to grant yourself some patience.
Forgiveness isnt a doorway, Dr. Allan says, consider it something that you engage with over time.
