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Theres no clear explanation of how or why we started sticking our mouths together, and why thats desirable.
CSA Printstock/Getty Images
Often, were thinking, Am I doing this right?
Are they enjoying it?
Does my breath stink?
1. see to it your partner is into it.
Gettingconsentfor your first kiss with someone might seem stodgy, but it can honestly be hot.
For some people, this will make them want to kiss you even more.
The key here: Show them you listened to their answer.
Listening is a surefire way to be a better kisser.
My date looked me in the eyes and said, Would it be okay if I kissed you?
I had never been asked by anyone before, Norma tells SELF.
With my permission, he leaned in and gave me a gentle but firm kiss.
I still think of him in the most special way.
It bears repeating: venture to be in the moment.
But invariably, other demands can compete for your attention sometimes, andbeing presentcan get tricky.
I have a hard time staying in the moment.
Especially when our toddlerand sometimes her noisy toysare in the room.
Worrying about potential disasters at work is probably the worst enemy of in-the-moment kissing, she tells SELF.
We start breathing in unison, and it calms me down.
Everything is right in the world, she says.
Andresearchindicates that kissing can reduce cortisol, the famous stress-related hormone.
Let your lips linger.
According to Ajjan, taking your time allows realintimacyto build up between you and your partner.
Dont jam your tongue in someones mouth right away.
Start with the tip of your tongue and go slowly from there.
Amanda, 43, from Illinois, gets lost in a tongue kiss with the right person too.
Note how far theyre putting their tongue in your mouth, and match it, she says.
Then you’re able to experiment with a little more, and see how they respond.
If youre into sloppy kisses, practicesomerestraint.
Melissa is in the less-is-more camp.
Too much gets wet and gross, she says.
No one wants to feel like theyre being slobbered on like a dog.
April, 32, from the British Virgin Islands, is in a similar boat.
I hate sloppy kisseshate them, she tells SELF.
I love gentle, full smooches with lips and a slight caress of our tongues.
It can be a fine line to walk.
Annie, 30, from California, notes that using too muchortoo little saliva can be less than pleasant.
Shes all about that happy medium.
Of course, slobber, sloppy, and happy saliva medium are relative terms when it comes to spit-swapping.
You wont know how your kissing partner feels about it unless you ask.
Even something as simple as, Is this okay?
or, Do you like that?
Pay attention to other body parts and erogenous zones.
Jillian, on the other hand, says more is more.
Running hishand down my back?
Holding the back of my head?
Even a nice butt grab?
Hands are half of kissing.
Jillian says verbal direction works in her marriage.
If one of us wants to do something else, we just say it.
Dont be afraid to vocalize what you want.
Its effective and can be sexy.
Amy, 47, from California, uses more subtle cues when she wants a change.
Ive learned to redirect my husband with action, she tells SELF.
Ill show him what I want by holding my lips open or pulling back.
Dont underestimate the hotness potential of kissing somewhere other than their lips, provided consent is there.
She says these non-mouth kisses can electrify a makeout session.
For some people its the ear, for others its the neck.
I just think kisses that land somewhere other than the lips are largely underrated, she says.
If youre going to bite, be gentle.
Some people think the best kisses are ones that come with a little bite.
You dont want to go from zero to 60 and risk hurting someone, she says.
Tune into your partner, and then play around with biting, just not hard.
I lightly lick his lips and gently bite and pull on them.
And, as Erin says, Soft biting is animalistic.
It says Im ready to take this a step further.
If you want to give it a try, gently nibble on your partners lower lip while youre kissing.
Keep your lips soft and your breath fresh.
If you dontmoisturize your lips, now might be the time to start.
Or just carry a lip balm around!
(If youre dealing withsuper-chapped lips, SELF has plenty of tips for keeping them moisturized and healthy.
And then we kept brushing our teeth.
Be thoughtful and kind as you give (and take) kissing notes.
But telling someone you dont like how they kiss can be hard.
Encourage your partner to tell you (or show you!)
whats working for them too.
And that goes both ways.
Just because youve had bad kissing experiences, that doesnt mean that youre a bad kisser, Ajjan says.
