Was anyone going to challenge her?
Because I’d only married into this family, I worried about overstepping.
The surest way to achieve all that is to live authentically," Sheldon explains.
They also seem to experience less stress.
But what if who you are defies the expectations of everyone around you?
For instance, you may act one way at work and another with friends.
(No F-bombs at the staff meeting!)
Women, in particular, may have a tough time with authenticity.
“Women are hardwired to chug along a predetermined pathcouple up, have kids,” she says.
So how do you go about getting real?
Goldman says these four factors are critical to finding and projecting who you are.
Or you could acknowledge that you have a habit of telling white lies to make your anecdotes more interesting.
One surprising factor that might make it easier to be authentic: the economic downturn.
“We’re trying to define our identity without a job or a 401(k).”
Ready to lead a life you feel good about, from the inside out?
What makes you happiest?Is it spending time with people you love or solving tough problems?
“Ask yourself what defines you, what’s most important in your life.”
Next, consider what upsets you most.All the injustice in the world?
Feeling disconnected from friends and family?
What are your deepest fears?That you’ll become homeless?
Never having the adventures you’ve dreamed of?
What gifts do you want to share?Are you a genius at bringing people together?
Do you have a yen to write poetry?
It’s not enough to know what you care about.
Next time,pausewhen you get that initial sinking feeling.
“Take note, then ask yourself, Am I listening to my internal compass?”
(No time!)
“None of us is perfect,” Dr. Birndorf says.
A time you blamed someone else for your mistake.
(“If you hadn’t distracted me, I’d have done a better job!")
The point of these questions is not to beat yourself upyou probably do too much of that anyway.
Many friends and colleagues were envious and told me so.
I should have been thrilled, except I hated the work.
Everyone else thought my job was prestigious and cool, so it must be so!
Clearly, I was ignoring the first tenet of authenticity: being aware of what made me tick.
Then I got promoted: The big bosses wanted me to manage the other writers.
So I gave notice and returned to magazine writing.
And before long, I could breathe again.
Think of a time you didn’t act in concert with your values.Next, change the script.
What could you have done or said differently?
What if you’d said X and she’d said Y?
That doesn’t mean envisioning a scene in which you’re simply telling the person off.
You have to give people the space to have a different opinion.”
Reflect on the possible consequences of your new version.What’s the worst that could have happened?
Would speaking your mind really have been so catastrophic?
But we have different views here, so let’s change the subject."
Even if she lost her temper, no biggieI’d still look like the reasonable one.
(“You know it’s not right to talk like that, don’t you?
I wish I’d said something, but I didn’t want to embarrass Cousin So-and-So.")
When you allow yourself to be known, you give others the opportunity to reveal themselves as well.
That’s what brings people closer, a key to happiness.
How do you react to the “good” news?
AWith a squeal of joy; you’re free to cry later, when you’re alone.
BBy saying, “Wow, I’ve heard they work really long hours there.
Forget that vacation you were planning!”
If you answered C,congratulations.
“If you’re feeling jealous, you don’t have to hide it.
I had always looked up to this woman, so her negative response made me anxious.
Yet despite all that, I kept on with my plan.
And although there were no guarantees that things would work out, I wanted to try.
I was, after all, following not only my gut but also my heart.
it’s possible for you to’t get more authentic than that.
Photo Credit: Francois Deconinck
