Life isnt perfect, and theres plenty to complain about: A job that drives you up the wall.
Terrible traffic that makes you 20 minutes late to brunch.
A noisy neighbor who keeps you up until 3 a.m.
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Most of us have our grievancesbig and smalland who better to whine to than your closest pals, right?
However, theres a difference between a person who occasionally vents and someone who finds a problem in almostallsituations.
Maybe they groan about their messy partner every (!)
), or fill any pause with their latest pet peeve.
Sometimes I wonder why a friend feels the need to share every single gripe with me.
Doing this too often, however, can perpetuate a pattern where complaining becomes the norm for your relationship.
This might feel cheesy at first (especially if you, too, are a chronic pessimist).
Become a less fun audience during their vent sessions.
Thats why Epstein suggests keeping it brief when it comes to acknowledging your pals frustration.
(Yeah, that does seriously suck.
Ugh, Im sorry youre dealing with thatI wish I could help.
I would be pretty pissed too.)
Then, just pause.
If these one-liners feel unnatural, though, Epstein recommends changing the subject to something more optimistic.
This could be as subtle as, It seems like works been rough.
But waitdont you have that hot date tonight?
Are you at least looking forward to that?
Or, Im sorry youve been feeling so cranky.
What usually helps you feel better in these situations?
These approaches, Epstein says, can inspire your pal to think about solutions and (hopefully!)
put a stop to their constant downer energy.
Switch up your hangouts to de-stress together.
Instead, Simpson-Watt suggests proposing more interactive activities.
This might look like attending a yoga class together, or going to a movie or concert.
Dont feel like you have to listen to their complaints endlessly.
You might be wondering, Isnt it weird to interrupt my pals rant just to say, Times up!
Just be honest with them.
To avoid this, its best to address your concerns openly but respectfully.
Start the conversation from a place of genuine concern and empathy, not blame or anger.
Could we discuss some positive stuff going on in our lives too?
Can we give a shot to keep it in check?
Ideally, its best to speak upbeforethe complaining gets so bad that yourereevaluating the relationshipentirely, Epstein says.
