Even before thecoronavirus pandemic, holidays were emotionally fraught for many people.
The coronavirus pandemic has made things even more complicated.
Scrolling through Instagram or talking to friends can make you feel like youre overreacting by sitting the season out.
Towfiqu Barbhuiya / EyeEm/ Getty Images
To be clear: Youre not overreacting.
The United States recently surpassed11 million confirmed coronavirus cases.
No matter what your family group chat says, the pandemic isnt taking a break for holiday gatherings.
So if youre second-guessing social engagements, Im here to remind you: Itsstillokay todecline invitations.
The courage comes from recognizing that it is not going to be an easy conversation.
But Flowers says that having these talks is necessary for your mental and emotional well-being.
Right now, opting out of holiday festivities is clearly good for everyones physical health as well.
We have collectively experienced much more separation for the majority of this year, Flowers explains.
People are experiencing COVID fatigue and may want to make exceptions to CDC guidelines during the holidays.
So the first step is to remind yourself that you are allowed to say no.
Determine your objective, then use I statements to make it happen.
Before you decline, take a second to decide what your overall objective is.
But if you decide to bring it up, share your position with compassion and vulnerability.
I just saw thelatest CDC guidanceit says everyone should stay home for Thanksgiving.
This allows you to raise concerns without judgment.
To be clear: The only thing you might control right now is yourself.
So keep your RSVP self-involved.
Given the pandemic, I just dont feel comfortable gathering like normal, you might say.
Figure out the right tone before heading into the conversation.
If youre over-apologetic, folks might assume your decision isup for debate.
If youre defensive, a simple conversation might turn into a fight.
With that said, the exact tone you want to strike depends on the situation, of course.
Maybe the best approach is to be vulnerable and openly share your fears about group gatherings right now.
Saying no ultimately comes from a place of self-love and self-respect, Flowers explains.
You dont need to be apologetic or combativeyoure doing whats right for you.
Dont over-explain (but repeat as much as you better).
Have you heard the saying that no is a complete sentence?
Even if you say a little bit more than no, an elaborate explanation is unnecessary.
When you decline, keep it short and focused.
Employ the broken record technique, Flowers says.
You say the exact same statement word for word after each attempt for someone to change your mind.
Dont expect people to be happy with your decision.
Even if the people in your life generally respect your boundaries, theyreallowed to be sad.
Their feelings, however, dont automatically change your decision.
Whether they take your decision in stride or not, disappointing people kind of stinks.
Offer suggestions for other ways you might stay connected.
This could also be an opportunity to create new holiday rituals.
Send your favorite transportable dessert to someone you lovethrough the mail.
Or create a virtual hangout that becomes a new tradition (Christmas breakfast via Zoom, anyone?).
Come up with a plan for FOMO and other emotions.
Even if you feel confident about saying no, you might have mixed feelings.
When discussing loneliness,SELF previously reportedthat you should prepare for the emotional fallout before you experience it.
Maybe you might plan a holiday recipe swap or send presents to friends ahead of time.
Consider rewarding yourself for making this difficult choice.
