If youve landed on this page, theres a good chance youre thinking aboutbreaking upwith someone.
So if you’re feeling a bit lost without a roadmap, know that you arent alone.
SELF tapped a few relationship experts to get their advice on navigating this difficult but necessary part of dating.
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That may sound obvious, but its not always so clear.
More often, people have parts of themselves that want to leave and other parts that want to stay.
For instance, have you addressed your concerns with your partner?
Has your partner shown that they can adapt in previous conversations about your relationship?
Similarly, it shouldnt come as a complete surprise to your partner that youre ending things.
Or right before they head into work for a big presentation.
She offers a few tips for handling a breakup delicately even if you cant avoid bad timing.
Then, acknowledge that you know its not a great time.
Its also important to confirm you feel ready to have the conversation.
Its creating space for both of you to really say goodbye, Dr. Fleming says.
In a perfect world, youd be coming into your side of the conversation without a ton of regret.
She recommends focusing on yourself when explaining why.
It just lands a little differently, Dennis says.
Youre saying the same thing, but from the I perspective it doesnt feel like an attack.
Its important to give your partner the space they need to talk through their feelings too.
Understand that each of you is coming to the conversation with different perspectives and different needs.
The important piece about this is reflective listening, Dr. Fleming says.
Breakups can be unpredictable and the initiator is taking a big step towards choosing self, she says.
Similarly, its a good idea to follow their lead when it comes to post-breakup contact.
If they want a clear and immediate break on all fronts, have a go at respect that.
Do you keep following each other onsocial media?
Do you go to mutual friends parties and birthdays?
If you live together, who moves out and who keeps what?
If you have pets, do you share custody now, or does one person take the pets?
Unfortunately, theres no easy guide for how to end a relationship.
Dennis recommends thinking through your own logistics plan before the breakup conversation even happens.
You dont want your next move to be dependent on your ex, she says.
When having these conversations pay attention to your emotional thermometer, Dr. Fleming says.
In case anything goes south, it can be helpful to have a written record.
In a respectful breakup, the most important thing is to discuss and honor each others boundaries.
In the end, it might be impossible to break up with your partner withouthurtingthem.
