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Wouldnt it be nice if you could flip a switch and shut off your thoughts when youre having sex?
WIN-Initiative/Neleman/Getty Images/Amanda K Bailey
Instead of stressing about yourmile-long to-do list, you could worry about doing…your partner.
And instead of wondering what your O-face looks like, you could just, you know, orgasm.
or plagued with anxious thoughts (Am I even doing this right?!).
No matter what your inner monologue is yapping about, youre not alone if its killing the mood.
When youre in this zone, youre maintaining what Nelson calls your erotic focus.
When youre in your head, on the other hand, your focus can be on anythingbutthe present.
Or more specifically, their anxieties, insecurities, and other hangups related to sex.What face am I making?
Am I satisfying my partner?
What do they think of my body?
At least, thats whats supposed to happen.
So how are you supposed to deal?
So lets talk about how.
Thats not to say your stray thoughts during sex always hold clues to some deeper issue.
The idea here is to get curious about what your erotic chatter can tell you, Nelson says.
With practice is the operative phrase though.
Its pretty much the same thing as mindfulness in a non-sexual situation.
If youre hyper-focused on, Am I going to have an orgasm?
Is it going to happen?
Why arent I having an orgasm?
that often takes you further away from actually reaching one, according to Dr. Brotto.
Instead, she recommends focusing on individual sensations in your body.
Where do you feel warmth?
Where do you feel tingling?
Where does it just feelamazing?
you could practice this solo (hey,mindful masturbation) or with a partnerwhichever is more comfortable.
A lot of people feel like they dont know how to voice their sexual needs, she says.
can keep them from festering and maybe even take away their power.
Remember: Connecting with your partner is more important than ruining the mood.
Nelson notes it doesnt hurt to set the mood, either.
Ask yourself, What gets me to a place where I feel sexual and sensual?
