But the reality is, carrying resentment isnt actually punishing themnor is it helping you.
Validate your emotions without judgment.
Its more than okay to be hurt or angry, Bayramyan says.
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Interrupt your emotional response with a distraction.
Certain triggers can awaken your grudge and the rage, jealousy, or judgment that comes with it.
You ran into your exs friend group at a bar.
Someone mentioned their name in a passing conversation.
Their LinkedIn profile was recommended in your notificationsall inconvenient reminders of why you cant stand them.
Creative outlets like drawing,crafting, or writing can also be a constructive way to process your emotions.
The key, Dr. Hodge says, is to find a hobby that requires you to use your mindandbody.
By the time youre done, youll hopefully have interrupted the resentment spiral instead of staying stuck in it.
Write a closure letter (but dont send it).
Its your chance to express everything youve been holding inwithout the stress of an actual, IRL confrontation.
(Which is why its not a smart idea to send the letter unless youre prepared for drama.)
Or, depending on your situation, have an honest conversation.
They might offer an explanation, anapology, or at least an acknowledgment of your pain.
Avoid defining a person by one or two mistakes.
To start, both experts recommend asking yourself: Was the mistake intentional?
Maybe yourlate friendwas busy, stressed, or unaware of how important their timeliness was to you.
Another question to consider: Does this mistake reflect their true character?
Finally, Bayramyan suggests asking: Is this mistake significant enough to kill our relationship?
Define what it means to forgive someone.
The advice of being the bigger person isnt very reassuring when someone horribly wronged youor never even apologized.
In other words, you dont have to forget what they did or let bygones be bygones.
Or youve learned you cant trust that one colleague who keeps stealing credit for your ideas.
Think of forgiveness as releasing the emotional weight the offense is holding over you, Dr. Hodge says.
Replace your grudge with boundaries instead.
This can look like blocking them on social media to avoid random updates that reignite old resentment.
Think of it as a deeply personal act of self-care that prioritizes your healing, Dr. Hodge says.
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