I hadn’t heard from my friend Judy, a sculptor, for weeks.

Judy happens to be single, childless and in her 40s.

with two bright-faced kids in tow.

Then an e-mail from her flashed across my screen: “it’s possible for you to stop looking.

I have found the meaning of life.”

Apparently, “poor Judy” had simply been too blissed-out to check in.

The pitter-patter of little feet?

She wasn’t missing it.

As I stared at the screen, I had to wonder: What makes a life meaningful, anyway?

In the ’70s, the formula for fulfillment got more complex: Self-actualization was what mattered.

In the ’80s, the key was to have it alldomestic bliss and a power job.

In the ’90s, rock-hard abs were added to the list.

So maybe now is the time to ask, “Is the meaningful life really so formulaic?”

“I know people probably look at my life and wonder, What more could she want?”

Luckily for us, science is on the case.

Having a naturally optimistic nature?

The answer may not be what you think.

That doesn’t mean, of course, that contentment comes easily to all of us.

Some people, it seems, are equipped with an innate sense that life is rich.

“But certain studies indicate the opposite is true.

Happy people, it seems, are happy because it’s their personality to be that way.

They were like that before they got married and had kids or got the big job.

They create fulfilling lives rather than the other way around.”

A first step, he advises, may be to stop measuring yourself by conventional standards of success.

For most, the buzz had worn off by the 10-year mark.

in Holland, Michigan.

Among unhappily married couples, on the other hand, only 1 in 10 are content with their lot.

“It goes both ways.”

The same applies to having children.

This is true even for those who say they very much wanted children beforehand.

“It isn’t that people don’t get positive things out of having children,” Myers says.

I miss the one-on-one time."

We’ve all heard that money can’t buy happiness, and research appears to bear that out.

Of the 49 people who responded, most agreed that “money can increase or decrease happiness.”

It’s merely another piece of the pie, like everything else.

On the other hand, gratifying employment does seem to matter.

What’s critical: feeling valued and believing that what you do is important.

“That can happen whether you’re a secretary or a trial lawyer,” Lykken says.

I’ve left jobs where I haven’t felt that, even though the money was excellent.

If what you do helps others, even better.

Another thing that seems to matter is loveor, at least, close personal connections.

That can mean marriage, good friends or children, but not necessarily.

The number of relationships one has counts, too.

They realize early on that happiness is about channeling their power toward a cause larger than themselves.

“Work was my identity.

“Just being a mom was devastating.

I felt totally isolated.”

“I’m not bringing home a big paycheck, but my life feels full again.”

Then choose one and take back the control.

You’ll get an emotional payoff merely by pushing yourself to be effective.”

Catherine Nation, 48, a retail executive, found that to be true.

“Everything changed when I was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago,” she says.

“I find living here very healing.

Moving was a lifestyle choice.

I needed to slow down, breathe and really take care of my health.”

Now she says she feels stronger and less confined.

“It’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”

“For years I cried ‘poor me’ because I wasn’t married.

I blamed that on lousy men, on my weight, my touring schedule, on fate.

The truth is I love not having to answer to anyone.

My life didn’t just happen.

I made choices.”

That epiphany, she says, woke her up to the richness that had been there all along.

That’s what I wanted most, and I’ve achieved it.

What could be more meaningful than that?"

Photo Credit: Riccardo Tinelli