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Your brain can spin these unhelpful, mean stories for all kinds of reasons.
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Check your own biases before jumping to conclusions.
Ask before you assume.
When something feels off, dont just jump straight into mind-reading mode.
Dr. Gold recommends keeping it casual with phrases like: Hey, what did you mean by that comment?
“; I noticed we havent talked much this week.
; or That hangout looked so funjust curious, can I ask why I wasnt invited?
Worst case, if the situation in questiondoesturn out to be personal?
At least you know for sureand can address it directly rather than battling a problem that never existed.
Its easy to get caught up in worst-case scenarios when youve got too much time on your hands.
(Wait, do they usually text this slowly?
Huh, maybe they are mad at me.)
Ideally, even just a few minutes of this should release tension and break the cycle of overthinking.
Consider their POV or circumstances.
Not everything is about you (and yes, we mean that in an encouraging way).
A few helpful questions to reframe the situation include: Are they only like this with you?
Maybe your partner warned you she has an RBF and takes longer to warm up to everyone.
Or thats simply her vibeyour SOs friends even joke about it.
Another follow-up to consider: Could something else be going on in their life?
Think about timesyouvedone something similar.
Havent you ever forgotten to accept an ex-coworkers LinkedIn request without meaning to?
Hit the elevator close button just before someone could step in?
Snapped at a totally undeserving person like, I dont know,your mom?
Reframe feedback to focus on your actions, not your identity.
(See how this shift in perspective turns triggering feedback into a constructive, easier-to-swallow opportunity to grow?)
Fight your self-doubts with a stronger self-esteem.
We cant promise that youll transform into a totally unbothered queen.
you’re able to start smallsurround yourself with people who remind you that youre amazing.
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