When sex hurts, women often feel alonebut theyre not.
There’s no reason to suffer in silence, even if it seems awkward or embarrassing or scary.
TheInternational Pelvic Pain Societyhas great resources for finding a licensed health care provider who specializes in genital pain.
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Womens pain isnt just ‘in their heads,’ " Cassard says.
The important thing to remember is that you have options.
Hell, it doesn’t even need to include it.
And for a lot of people, it doesn’t.
But above all, sex should be pleasurable.
This puts the emphasis on relaxation so you dont feel pressured to rush arousal.
Women can tailor the size and shape to whatever is comfortable.
Again, do what feels good to you and doesn’t cause pain.
So don’t skimp on whatever step is most arousing for you.
And of course, don’t forget lubrication.
Lube is the first line of defense when sex hurts.
Water-based lubricant is typically the safest for sensitive skin.
It’s also the easiest to clean and won’t stain your clothes or sheets.
Women with pain often know what feels bad.
But Howard says its important for them to remember what feelsgood, too.
Lots of people arent asking, What feels good?
So I ask women to set what their pleasure scale is, along with their pain scale.
I ask them to develop a tolerance for pleasure."
To explore what feels good, partners can try an exercise where they rate touch.
and change it up every 30 seconds.
and 0 meaning, I dont like this particular kind of touch.
This allows women to feel a sense of ownership and control over the sensations, Howard says.
Another option is experimenting with different sensations.
Think tickling, wax dripping, spanking, and flogging.
Masturbatingtogether can also be an empowering way for you to show a partner how you like to be touched.
And it can involve the entire body, not just genitals, Akincilar-Rummer says.
For voyeurs and exhibitionists, it can be fun for one person to masturbate while the other person watches.
Or, for a more intimate experience, partners can hold and kiss each other while they masturbate.
It feels intimate while still allowing control over genital sensations.
Stimulating the clit is often the most direct route to arousal and climax and requires no penetration.
For that reason,vibratorsmay be right for some women and wrong for others.
Many women with pelvic pain can irritate the pelvic nerve with vibrators," says Akincilar-Rummer.
But if its their go-to, thats usually fine.
I just tell them to be cautious.
Muscular pain can actually calm down with a vibrator, Howard says.
There’s no need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable physically or emotionally or worsens your genital pain.
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