But it can be tough to get the fire going when youre starting from zero.
for the first time from behind a screen than while gazing into their eyes.
Before doing anything: Gauge the interest of your would-be recipient and get their consent.
YakobchukOlena/Getty Images
As with any sex act, consent is required here, as is mutual interest.
Just directly asking the other person if theyre open to sexting will work, Engle says.
Theyre less likely to be confused by it or shut you down if youve talked it through.
Start simple, then layer on the descriptions and the adjectives.
It doesnt have to be carnal, Dr. Brown-James says.
And it probably shouldnt be right off the bat.
Dr. Tara suggests starting out with energy complimentsfor instance, Your energy is so sexy.
And when they ask: That naughtylingerieyou got me.
Or flip the script and use that same lens to portray characteristics ofyourselfbeing turned on by them.
…Or paint the picture of an ideal future sex session.
Maybe you havent gotten physical with them yetor theres just some sexual avenue you havent explored together.
Do you want to trybondage?
Whatever it is, use your imagination to depict the experience you want to have with them.
If theyre not catching your drift, pause to offer more context.
Engle herself has been there.
Use your fantasies as fodder for inspiration.
Since sexting isnt actually sex, it can also function as a low-risk setting to explore kink.
Maybe you have afantasyabout having sex in public, and the idea of someone else seeing you is thrilling.
you might use any and all of that to guide your sexting forays.
The truth is, nobody cares if what you say isnt wholly original.
Certain fantasies become cliche for a reason: Tons of people find them hot.
So put yourself in the POV of a porn star, and describe exactly whats happening, she says.
And if you dont know what imaginary scenarios would really do it for you?
Its time for some sexy homework.
Digging intoaudio erotica,smut, andethical porncan expand your sexual horizons.
(Evensteamy sex scenesin movies can get your creative juices flowing.)
Ask questions that invite them to weigh in.
Remember the little tease about wearing lingerie?
And depending on how they respond, egging them on even further can be just as arousing.
Lay on the enthusiasm and validation before asking, And then what?
What else would you do to me?
Dr. Tara suggests a simple, Whats your favorite sex position?
or Where do you wish you could touch me right now?
Consider working in some audio or visuals (or both).
Take it from me, a writer: You dontneedanything beyond words to get a message across.
And a photo or video can plunk them right into the sexual scene youre both creating.
Pick up the pace by moving toward a climax.
It might be fun to keep a sexting convo fluid and open-ended, perhaps with a long-term partner.
If you misfire, dont sweat itreally.
And not all of your shots are going to hit the bullseye on the first attempt.
If you send something thats not their thing, dont take it personally, Baratz says.
Consent, comfort, and mutual arousal matter most, he says.
The point is to have fun!
And dont forget to check in with your partner later.
Or you realize your partner said something that isnt sitting right.
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