The second I saw them sprinting towards us, I hoisted her high up in my arms.
But instead of the apology I was expecting, I got something else entirely.
You know, you dont have to be so fucking dramatic, she hissed.
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I have a permit which allows me tohave my dogs off-leashin this part of the city.
- (Iamproud of myself for not cussing since toddlers soak up anything you say like a sponge.)
Logically, I knew I was in the right.
Three weeks later, I stillfind myself dwelling on itfor reasons I cant quite explain.
Basically, she says when people are feeling tense, their ability to make sound social choicesa.k.a.
not react with fiery anger after being cut off on the roaddiminishes.
Physically step away if you might.
So a person just screamed at you for some minoraccidentalmishap.
Maybe you yelled back, instinctively laughed, or even felt your eyes welling up.
It puts you at risk if you engage, Dr. Saltz explains.
(They could be one breaking point away from doing something dangerous or violent.)
Look away and dont make eye contact.
Dont register anything on your face.
Do your best to calm your mind and body.
We have at least the ability to inhibit our own behaviors when we are in fight-flight mode.
Youre not in the headspace to do the smart thing for yourself.
Its really important tocalm yourself downimmediately.
Is your face hot or red?
Are you breathing rapidly?
Some of my clients describe it like an electric current going through them, she says.
Whatever it is, recognize it, and start to take steps to soothe yourself.
As you do it, keep your chest steady.
You need aphysical releaseto complete a stress cycle, she says.
Listen todont invalidateyour emotional response.
Part of getting past this isvalidating your emotional experience, Dr. Thomas says.
If you said to yourself, You know what?
I’m being silly.
I was acting ridiculous.
You have invalidated your own emotional experience; youre punishing yourself for having a natural response.
You had a very instinctual response in protecting your niece, she explains.
Preventing your response is not really the name of the game.
Its figuring out what to do with that response.
In a lot of these situations, people tend to deprive themselves of the ability to really process that.
Your friend can be like, Oh my gosh.
Did you yell at her?
We get that experience of validation so we can truly process the feeling.
When we cut ourselves off from that experience, it can be hard to let go.
Dont take it personally.
Anything theyve said is much more about them than you, Dr. Saltz explains.
You dont get called that by friends and family, or people who really know you, she explains.
Were putting character intent on a situational thing, she explains.
But that person doesnt know you, they dont know your situation.
It has nothing to do with you per se.
Its not actually personal.
Thomas says you gain control.
Ruminating is a symptom of something larger, like being angry, depressed, or anxious, she explains.
It can also sometimes signal someone who is rejection-sensitivethey perceive any interaction that doesnt go swimmingly as their fault.
They could probably use some therapeutic help to identify whats happening.
Unfortunately, rude people are always going to exist.
Just know that the person who dishes out disses to total strangers probably isnt living their best life.
