All products featured on Self are independently selected by our editors.
However, we may receive compensation from retailers and/or from purchases of products through these links.
Many of us tend to rewrite our history so today cant compete.
Ivan Haidutski/Stocksy
Meanwhile, well likely long for today in the near future.
Some psychologists refer to this happification of our history as rosy retrospection.
Whatever the term, during my twenties, I was the king of it.
At 24, I missed my ex-girlfriend, who I had dated during my early 20s.
I yearned for whomever and whatever wasnt in my life anymore.
Its a form ofemotional numbing.
Contaminate the fantasy.
A quick way to find out the answer?
Give your memories a reality check by balancing the positive with the negativeor maybe the neutral.
Ditto for past dream jobs, or a city you lived in and left for valid reasons.
Recognize what yourereallymissing.
Look at your seemingly dreamy memories and ask yourself what, exactly, you miss about those times.
Miss having a partner to hang out and travel with?
Maybe you cant go to college and run that triathlon anymore, she says.
This human journey is filled with fluidity and loss, and change is the only constant.
Dont force gratitude.
But it can be difficult to foster gratitude when your situation is, in fact, pretty terrible.
Joy will come again, she says.
But if you venture to make yourself feel joy, youre not going to get there.
Bring yourself into the moment.
Coleman also recommends trying the five-sensesgrounding techniquewhenever you find yourself daydreaming about your self-perceived better days.
What do I see?
What do I hear?
What do I smell?
and What do I taste?
Its kind of like creating a blank slate.
Personally, my perspective changed when I hit my mid-thirties.
I stoppeddwelling on the pastand began focusing on how I could change the present.
One day, I looked up and loved what I was doingthe past couldnt compete.
Time was suddenly zooming by, and I wanted nothing but to be exactly where I was.
There was no time like the present.
