The clock reads 3:55 A.M.
I’ve awakened within six minutes of this time for the past three nights.
I shut my eyes and take a breath, hoping to ease back to sleep.
I bang the gavel and demand silence so I can get some rest.
That works for a minute, then the ruckus begins again.
What am I so anxious about?
Have my 4-year-old daughters been abducted?
No, both girls are snug in their beds.
My job is stable, my marriage solid, my family absurdly healthy (knock particleboard night table).
But I don’t let any of that interfere with my worrying.
I’ve learned that I can’t go around complaining about my baseless worries to just anyone.
Yet anxiety that prevents a person from relishing life even when things are going swimmingly is a genuine problem.
It’s hard to enjoy being lifted up if you know what’s on the other side."
(“Is the company solid?")
“They want to avoid disappointment or staunch a problem before it gets out of control.”
This makes sense to me.
The mere fact of things going smoothly can be enough to set the courtroom drama in motion.
“People don’t worry so much about losing a dollar as they worry about losing $100,000.
In other words, when everything is going well in your life, you have more to lose.
It’s normal to be aware of that and worry about it,” Leahy says.
When I’m in a worrying mood, I can fret about nearly anything.
Feeling neurotic, I called to confirm.
Wouldn’t you know it?
They had no record of our reservation, so I pitched a fit, thereby rectifying the situation.
Don’t I deserve points for that?
“No,” Borkovec says.
“There is no positive purpose for worry.”
Borkovec points out that I could have called without stressing about it.
There’s a name for the kind of worry that contributes to a positive outcome: defensive pessimism.
“Defensive pessimists think they need to be a bit scared to stay motivated,” Borkovec notes.
“They use worry as a reminder to work hard and not take anything for granted.
But it can be a problem if the worry gets paralyzing.”
I think of my nightly wake-ups.
That’s because worriers tend to be in a state of perpetual physical arousalwired, tense and fatigued.
They drive said partner away, resulting in the feared outcome.
“No matter how many times the person answers yes to the question ‘Do you love me?’
it doesn’t do any good.
A worrier thinks, Is he only saying that to make me feel better?
Or, What if he changes his mind tomorrow?”
Or ‘It’s only because I worked 10 times harder than anyone else.’
That kind of thinking leaves you feeling inadequate, whatever you accomplish.”
“They believe everything is up to them,” Leahy says.
“If you always think, What did I do wrong?
you’re probably giving yourself too much credit,” Leahy adds.
So what’s behind this unnecessary stressing?
Lots of activity in the thinking region may make experiencing feelingssadness, joy, anything but angstnearly impossible.
The worriers fretted when they heard either jot down.
But I’m not, especially if I ease my anxiety with bags of M&M’s.
“Any big emotioneven a positive onecan trigger worry in otherwise rational thinkers,” Borkovec says.
“It’s as if all emotions become red flags.”
“I didn’t buy anything for her until she was, like, 2,” she laughs.
“But bad times are notcausedby success.”
I’ve lived long enough by now to see that most of my worries have never come to pass.
Clearly, life’s ratio of anxiety to joy is tipped in my favor.
For now, I’m doing my bestnotto worry about that.
Photo Credit: Sandra Shap
