Being diagnosed with achronic illnessa long-term condition that in most cases has no curecan upend a persons entire world.
You might even be wondering if theres anything youcansay or do that will really help.
It may even help them have a more positive health outcome.
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Its clear, then, that your support as a friend can be valuable here.
So, how do you show up for a person you love during this tough time?
If you want to be a good friend but arent really sure how, here are nine expert recommendations.
Lets say an acquaintance mentions that a friend of yours just received atype 2 diabetesdiagnosis.
Resist the urge to immediately shower your friend with attention.
Its really important that the person with the disease sort of owns that information, Miller says.
If you want to talk about it or theres anything I can do, hey let me know.
This way, youre letting them know you are concerned without being presumptive or intrusive.
If youre not sure what to say, keep it simple and open-ended.
Walters suggests something like, Being diagnosed with [their condition] must be overwhelming.
Do you want to talk about it?
or Youve been through a lot lately, how are you doing?
Do your best not to assume how theyre feeling about the actual condition, though.
Saying something like, Ive read aboutlupus; it sounds so awful might just make them feel more upset.
Those little conscientious gestures can make a huge difference, Walters says.
Megan N., 27, who was diagnosed withceliac diseaseat 17, was stressed about staying gluten-free in college.
But her friends made an effort to learn about the condition so that they could look out for her.
What would be helpful?
Perhaps theyd just appreciate your company.
The biggest benefit to this approach is that youllactuallybe helping your friend in the way they need most.
We tend to underestimate the power of being present.
Being heard is very healing, Walters says.
She recommends keeping your advice to yourself unless your friend asks for it.
Thats why you should view yourself primarily as a sounding board, not a problem-solver.
(This was 10 years ago, she points out, beforegluten-free foodswere more widely available.)
Lets say your friend haschronic fatigue syndromeand is having a hard time with ever-present exhaustion.
Its important not to say, Oh, yeah, I know exactly what you mean, Miller says.
Their experience is something thats completely not known to you.
you might empathize [without] saying, I know exactly how you feel.
This means being forgiving and understanding when your friend cancels or shifts plans at the last minute.
If it becomes a regular occurrence, know that theyre (probably) not just being flaky.
Its not a change in personality, its a change in their health, Miller says.
Being flexible can also mean suggesting alternative activities.
Chronic disease is a marathon, not a sprint, says Walters.
That doesnt mean you have to ask about their condition every time you talk.
It could just be a Hey, how are you doing?
text every so ofteneven when things seem to be going relatively well.
Occasional check-ins can be a great way to show support, Walters says.
The classic put your own oxygen mask on before helping others metaphor applies here.
You dont have to be a superhero and make a run at do everything.
Its OK to set boundaries, Walters says.
Dont forget the reciprocal nature of being friends, either.
In other words, let your friend be a good friend to you, too.
