Every atom in your body is ready for more, but then your brain kicks in:Shit.
We havent talked aboutSTIsyet.
Or perhaps it happens when youre on cloud nine after defining your new relationship.
Getty / Siraphol Siricharattakul / EyeEm
Its the only nagging thought dampening your excitement.
Here’s why you better have the talk.
Ideally, youd talk about STIs before having sex with any new partners.
But we live in the real world and we know that thats not necessarily the norm.
So why is that?
You might tell yourself its fine to skip this talk.
Cant you just assume that this person would mention it if there was something to bring up?
Your last STI check was all clear.
Its all probably fine, right?
Listen, we understand the urge to completely ignore this topic.
Theres still a lot of stigma.
Anyone can get STIs and many come with absolutely zero symptoms.
So, yes, you oughta have this talkeven if youve already had sex with this person.
The rates of many sexually transmitted infections are on the risefor various reasons.
And while medications can clear up STIs likechlamydia and gonorrhea, others, likeherpesandHIV, are incurable.
That doesnt mean getting an STI has to devastate your life.
Thats why talking about STIs with your sexual partner (or partners) is so critical.
Here’s how to bring it up.
The way you bring up STIs depends largely on the status of your relationship.
Of course, theres no hard-and-fast rule for how you do this.
All the advice in the world doesnt guarantee that it wont be alittleawkward.
But here are some tips that may help.
But at this point, you dont really know them well enough to do much with that information.
This doesnt mean you shouldnt ask.
The way they respond to this question can be a great litmus test.
That may mean using a condom, a dental dam, or both.
The assumption is that youre going to be tested eventually, Fleming says.
You should have a conversation with your partner and have them screened also, Dr. Goje tells SELF.
If youre a little freaked out to mention it, admit that.
As an alternative, you might get tested and kick things off by sharing your results.
This can make it clear that youre not judging or shaming your partner by bringing up STI testing.
Its just a normal part of having sex with a new person.
When did you last get tested?
Maybe youve been usingcondoms and/or dental damsup until this point, but now you want to stop.
Just to be safe.
What if they aren’t receptive?
Wed hope that everyone would be open to discussing sexual health with someone theyre about to have sex with.
But sinceSTI stigmais real, even someone whos otherwise a total catch might be confused or offended.
Hopefully theyll come around quickly once you discuss why its important to you.
If theyre not thinking about…what you gotta be comfortable, thats a red flag.
Katie M., 32, knows this all too well.
Soon after she graduated from college, she started dating someone new.
But her partner pushed back, saying that they should just trust each other.
Can you tell me why youre so against getting tested?
For various reasons, Katie stopped seeing that partner soon after their STI discussion.
Seven months later, she met the man who eventually became herhusband.
They were dating long-distance and hadnt yet had sex when he made plans to stay with her over Thanksgiving.
He had an STI report from his doctor in his suitcase the day he got off the plane.
What if either one of you tests positive?
You may expect to have celebratoryseximmediately after you both get your test results.
You might need to abstain while completing a round of antibiotics, for instance.
Carly S., a 26-year-old with genitalherpes, has been there.
He said, That sucks that that happened to you.
Theyre still dating today.
Bottom line: An STI does not need to ruin your life, sexually or otherwise.
Its not who you are; its just a thing you have, Fleming says.
That might make it even more likely that youll receive the nonchalance Carly encountered.
Remember: You got this.
Anyone who treats you poorly for talking about STIs (or having one) probably isnt worth it.
Its their right to decide who they do and dont want to have sex with.
