Maybe they said they loved your lasagna when in reality they dread pasta night.
This tension can also bring about feelings ofanxietyorstresswhich can further strain your relationship.
The good news is that a lie doesnt always mark the kiss of death in relationships.
Javier Zayas Photography/Getty
Let yourself be angry, disappointed, or upset.
Even a relatively minor lie can trigger a whirlwind of emotions likerage, confusion, insecurity, or sadness.
Sit down with your partner and talk about what happened.
There might be dozens of questions swirling around in your head: Why did they lie to me?
How could they do this?
What else are they hiding?
Talking about the betrayal requires a lot of patience and vulnerability from both sides.
Hear them outas calmly as it’s possible for you to.
No one wants to hear excuses from a liar.
After all, what could possibly justify months of cheating or even lying by omission?
Observe any changes theyve made to become more trustworthy.
Okay, so youve talked it out and your partner sincerely apologized for their dishonesty and youwantto forgive them.
In other words, theyve talked the talk, but can they also walk the walk?
Or do they default to defensiveness?
When they feel hurt, do they share whats troubling them?
Or do they hide these feelings from me?
Resist the temptation to helicopter over them.
After all, they violated your trust, so its only fair, right?
But are they willing to limit contact outside of the office?
Try not to dwell on the past and focus on the future, instead.
If youre seriously committed to overcoming the lie, forgiveness is necessary.
No, that doesnt mean forgetting your partners wrongs and absolving them of any responsibility.
Remind yourself that its a work in progress.
Now for the million-dollar question: How long will it take for me to finally trust them again?
Its not a linear process, Sadhu explains.
(Here are some tips for finding aculturally competentandaffordabletherapist.)
