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Seeing him celebrate with his kid started the waterworks.
Courtesy of the author
Once again, cue the tears.
But this time was different.
You see, in the fall of 2018, I was training to run my first marathon.
Just like that, my training was over, and I was forced to drop out of the race.
I havent been able to motivate myself to run since.
(Brothers,am I right?!)
I loved that about running, and I kept at it for the next six years.
I ran eight half-marathons and then, finally, decided I was ready to tackle a full one.
For three months I diligently followed my training schedule while also planning my wedding and working full-time.
I was going to do this thing!
It was all going to be so worth it.
Except things didnt go as planned.
Shit, shit, shit, the marathon, I thought.
Then, Okay, it doesnt hurtthatbadlymaybe its just bruised.
Neither of us wanted to say it, because then maybe it wouldnt be true.
Reader: My leg was not fine.
Not so luckily, it was going to take at least six to eight weeks.
The marathon was, at that point, in less than three.
Ive had stress fractures from running, but this was different.
I didnt drop out of the race because I overdid it and ended up with an overuse injury.
Fast-forward three months, and I was all finished with my prescribed physical therapy.
Myphysical therapistsaid I was cleared to go back to my regularworkouts, including running.
And instead of being eager and excited to jump back into it, I was terrified.
What if it still hurt?
What if I had lasting damage and could never run distances again?
My knee felt a little achy the few times I jogged during my sessionswhat if something else was wrong?
While it was a completely well-intentioned thing to say, it wasnt exactly reassuring.
Immediately I went back to the group fitness classes I used to take.
It felt amazing, and my strength came back quickly.
But motivating myself to run didnt come so easily.
Running no longer felt exhilarating; it felt like a chore, both physically and mentally.
I felt like I was gasping for air the entire time and couldnt enjoy the sights around me.
I started to question why I even cared about doing it.
As time went on, though, I missed running.
Like, really missed it.
I decided to take another crack, and I felt pretty good after slogging through three very slow miles.
That was in May, and then I didnt run a single mile the rest of the summer.
I watched the movieBrittany Runs a Marathonthis summer, and I cried.
Like a deep, hard cry for 15 seconds.
Instead, I was struggling to even get myself to go run two miles.
I felt sad but I also felt even more beaten down when I thought too much about it.
Icouldrun if I really wanted to!
The truth, though, is that what happened to me was traumatic and unexpected.
It took away my sense of control and turned my world upside down.
Within a second my well-laid plans didnt matter.
Maybe running a marathon wasnt in the cards for me at all.
I wanted to move forward, but had no idea how toI just felt stuck.
Forget about running entirely.
And that worked for a while.
We hike almost every day.
Some days we hike all day long.
Theres really nothing like crossing a finish line after pushing yourself both physically and mentally to get there.
You prepared for this, and you are capable, and youre going to get there.
Its a special moment that teaches you to persist and to trust what youre made of.
Its something you take away from the race course and into real life.
As I watched people finish the Ironman, it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I couldnt help but see the parallels in my own life.
Id like to say I came home from Hawaii and immediately laced up my sneakers for a run.
And once I start training, I know Ill slowly feel it all coming back to me.
And maybe this time itll help when I think about those Ironman athletes and how grueling their race was.
