I sometimes think I secretly relish being stared at.
Now, at age 23, I feel like Ive grown into the woman I am.
I have crafted my own distinct lookgoth chic, as I like to call it.
Courtesy of Dayna Troisi
I can use it to grab your attentionthen I control the gaze.
I hated listening to adults ask my mother, What happened?
Why couldnt they just ask me?
Why did they always sound so sorry?
Thats when Id usually get, Youre still pretty!
Who said I wasn’t?
When I was 16, I was fitted for a cosmetic arm.
I was getting the prosthesis because my insurance was changing and itd be the last opportunity for one.
But I also think I secretly feared that one day I would want to look normal.
When we picked up my new arm, my dad was positively beaming.
you’re able to wear it for your wedding photos, he said.
He kept smiling, patting my shoulder, tussling my hair.
I know he was just trying to be supportive.
Im sure he thought that looking normal on my imaginaryweddingday was important to me.
But it hurt, and that pain fueled my desire to embrace my disability.
I wouldnt ever be attractive in the traditional sense and I wasnt about to attempt to fit anyones ideal.
In college, I was seen as attractive.
I felt like I was desired by normal people for the first time.
I hung out with the cool girls.
They told me, I dont see you as disabled!
Drunk frat guys had no problem asking what happened to me.
Once, a classmate even asked to touch my arm.
All of these uncomfortable encounters ended with some version of youre still pretty.
On one hand, I felt accepted and the statement affirmed that I was considered attractive.
It was when I sawKeah Browns hashtag #disabledandcutethat something clicked for me.
They see us, not as humans, butas curiosities.
They ask what happened.
Once they have their answer, thats it.
Thats why this hashtag is so revolutionary.
It wasnt disabled BUT cute, it wasnt cute BECAUSE disabled.
It showed that we can be both disabled AND desirable.
Im out having fun, just like anyone else.
The most important part of the hashtag is that we get to decide to participate.
We pick the pictures.
We pick the caption.
We candecide how the world sees us.
Like me, my bionic arm doesn’t venture to blend in.
And with it, I feel more beautiful, comfortable, and sexy than ever.
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