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It makes sense to assume that being in a committed relationship wouldward off loneliness.
Daryna Zaichenko/Getty Images
(No pressure.)
So whats going on?
Why would a person who has someone to share their life with ever feel lonely?
We asked a couple of experts to shed some light.
You feelalonein your relationship.
you might feel alone, lonely, or both in a relationship, according to Dr. Douglas.
Or youre sitting on opposite ends of the couch.
It could also be that your partner seems checked out.
You dont feel seen by your partner.
Theres a concept in relationship psychology called bids.
Maybe youve heard of the viralOrange Peel Theory?
If they do it, the theory goes, thats arelationship green flag.
If our partner does it but complains or asks, Why are you asking me this?
Your loneliness isnt stemming from your relationship at all.
Your sense of isolation may also have nothing to do with your partner.
All of those circumstances can serve as evidence to your brain that somethings wrong with you, she explains.
Where do you start?
Once youve got a clearer sense of whats making you so lonely, share your self-discoveries with your partner.
Just try not to play the blame game.
Feeling rejected can wear you down over time, as we mentioned above.
Thats why Negandank recommends timing your bids for when your partners most energetic and able to focus on you.
That can make you feel like youre on an island, she explains.
If that sounds all too familiar, you gotta break the cyclebut it doesnt have to be hard.
Dr. Douglas recommends taking it back to basics to get to know each other again.
Whatever helps you get to know the person your partner isnow,since they (and you!)
have probably changed over time.
Ultimately, you may decide your relationship actually just isnt working and itstime to break upand thats okay too.
Sometimes being with thewrong personcan make you feel lonelier than you would on your own.
