Here’s a snapshot of what mylove lifehas been like for the past few months.
In December, a guy I went to high school with started messaging me on Facebook.
Everything was going great until we had sex and heghostedme.
Brian Powell / Stocksy
I wrote back to let him knew when I was free and then…crickets.
And sometimes, “You didn’t even meet him.
Youcan’ttake it personally.”
Oh, but I can.
Bad dating experiences prompt the voices in my head to chime in with, “You were rejected AGAIN.
No one will ever love you.Youre going to be alone forever.”
Its exhausting and depressing to constantly take everything so personally.
For as long as Ive been dating, Ive been drawn to emotionally unavailable guys.
My friends keep insisting that its not, and I shouldn’t take it as such.
This is a lot easier said than done, but I’m finally coming around.
So, what helps me actually not take it personally?
Honestly, almost nothing when Im in the midst of anIm-unlovable-and-I-must-have-done-something-wrongspiral.
But there are two techniques that can sometimes give me a little bit of distance from my internal storylines.
Over time, they can help ease the pain.
or “This is all your fault,” I have a go at question them.
“This sounds suspiciously like my old negative beliefs,” Ill tell myself.
Could there beanyother possible explanation for this guys behavior that isnt about something being wrong with me?"
And givenmyparticular emotional wounds, I experience this as intensely painful rejection and abandonment.
instead of what I usually do: sobbing uncontrollably while manically downloading meditation apps.
I still struggle with this.
I expect that I will continue to for some time to come, if not forever.
In another unicorn of dating experiences, the guy who ghosted me after sex wound up un-ghosting me.
We talked about what had happened, and he explained why hed been out of touch.
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
Most of the time when guys disappear like that, theyre really just gone for good.
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