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Before my first new workout even began, though, I was regretting my decision.
I started out the project going all inor all off, as the case waswith anaked yogaclass.
My hands began to tremble.
But most importantly, I cant recall the last time I felt more accomplished.
And for the guy directly in front of me, that appendage definitely wasnt dangling in a few instances.
Willow, the instructor, helped calm my nerves.
We encourage abody-positive, sex-positive, queer-positive atmosphere that is gender-neutral, she explained to me before class.
Theres a collective vulnerability that helps to bring people together.
I should also mention that the class wasnt exclusively doing yoga.
Theres also social time afterword: chit-chatting, gnawing on strawberries, and sipping beverages with your fellow yogis.
Oh, and everyone is still completely nude.
You know, super casual.
(Also, when Im shy around new people I avert my gaze downwards.
I quickly learned not to do this.)
Many were first-timers, with all seemingly normal jobs.
The only big, glaring discrepancy?
There were at least 20 men and five women, including me.
I also wondered if this was how the Smurfette felt.
I unfortunately didnt manage to escape the class creep-free.
Mid-sentence, I told him I needed to poop.
That was the end of that.
After the warm-up, we moved into what could best be described as a grown-up game of capture-the-flag.
But when our instructors started handing out foam swords and shields, thats when shit started to get real.
Maybe I looked like his ex-wife.
When someones chasing you with a weapon, its amazing how powerful your body becomes.
I knew at that point I probably wouldnt be ready for the advanced course anytime soon.
No, no, Julia, not like that.
Regardless, these older ladies were absolutely killing it in comparison to me.
And those two twisty bungee ropes dangling in front of each chair?
New class-goers, dont be fooledthese arent nearly as supportive as youd think.
One girl on her way out even mentioned shed be spending her upcoming birthday there.
No, seriously, it actually exists.
Its an excellentexercise in mindfulnessyou cant focus on anything else, Heather explained to me prior to class.
Especially during the beginning stages of learning, you must have complete concentration.
Of course, my continuous thuds and thumps were intermixed with Heathers contagiously positive attitude and constant encouragement.
Even if you drop the balls, just smile!
And smile I did.
Well, laugh, actually.
Maybe these clowns are onto something.
Some of my best childhood memories took place on trampolines.
(I later found out that a gang ofVictorias Secret modelswould be training there that week.)
It was literally what the title impliesa big, quick-moving, adult-sized playground.
about 20 times in total.
And the best part?
Luckily, much of the dancing during the Bollywood routine was improvised.
As my typical workout routine relies heavily on straight-up, one-direction cardio, my mid-section is pretty often neglected.
The next day I woke up with sorerobliquesmuscles than Ive felt in a long, long time.
In the case of Bollywood dancing, I was uncoordinated, inflexible and definitely un-sexy.
I didnt think I could appear any more un-sexy or uncoordinated than when I did Bollywood dancing.
I was very wrong.
Specifically, my sweaty thighs could not literally grasp the steel pole in the middle of the room.
The first was simple enoughfour steps around the pole on our tip-toes.
Albeit a low-budget rap video with 100 YouTube views, but it was a seriously fun time regardless.
The water provides a natural resistance, she explained to me.
When you stop pedaling, there is no flywheel to push your legsyour body creates its own workout.
And the faster you pedal, the harder it gets.
To be totally honest, I was embarrassed most of the time.
Would I do all of these workouts again?
I think Id just prefer naked yoga to be an all-woman (and boner-free) affair next time around.
