All products featured on Self are independently selected by our editors.
However, we may receive compensation from retailers and/or from purchases of products through these links.
When Istarted therapylast year, I knew I had a lot to process.
Valery/Adobe Stock
I envisioned myself mining my past to identify and break harmful patterns.
I didnt know just how much Id have to mourn, I told my therapist.
This, too, was part of the process.
As I learned, I wasnt just working through painful past experiences and their reverberating effects.
Each of these losses marks lost time as wellin dashed plans and dreamed futures we never got to experience.
When I put a call out on Twitter for stories about grieving lost time,responses poured in.
The anguish can run deep, nag at you, and crash in and out of your life.
Rather, time grief tends to be cyclical, she says.
Sometimes, the pain recedes and you’ve got the option to enjoy your life.
Instead, you learn to move forward with it.
Really (truly) acknowledge and feel your grief.
As a society, were generally not great at honoring grief of any kind.
The typical bereavement leave in the US is only three days.
Theres also often an instinct to make a run at fix how youre feeling with problem-solving.
You might ask yourself: What have I lost?
How has it affected me?
What have the consequences been?
How has this hurt me?
Find balance between solitude and community.
Thats a common thing.
And yet, if we hide too much, we wont get the help we need from other people.
To protect yourself from unhelpful platitudes (It was meant to be.
Look on the bright side.)
It might take some trial-and-error to find your people.
An important note: The ability to zoom out comes gradually.
(Psychology TodayandInclusive Therapistsboth allow you to search specifically for grief therapists in your area.
Here are sometips on finding an affordable therapistora culturally competent therapisttoo.)
For my part, Ive had to mourn the idealized version of my past and future.
Some days are easier than others.
