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I used to be religious aboutmeal prep.
Daryna Zaichenko/Getty Images
I genuinely enjoyed it: It made me feel accomplished and like I was taking care of myself.
It was my thing.
Then the pandemic happened.
Almost overnight, I discovered I just couldnt cook anymore.
My lifelong love of meal prepping vanished in an instant.
Is this what that felt like?
I thought it was just a phase I would get over in a couple of weeks.
We can do this.
But I quickly learned that I couldnt fake it.
There was no thriving; I was surviving.
This was the start of a severe physical, mental, and emotionalburnoutthat would last years.
Im still healing from it.
I stepped away from made-from-scratch meals and fed myself in other ways.
You might wonder what I ate during the early stages of the pandemic if I didnt cook.
Two words:frozen meals.
Early on, I would go to Trader Joes and buy a boatload of stuff in the frozen aisle.
It didnt have to be something that I prepped from scratch.
It didnt even always have to include a vegetable.
I took the grocery store off my to-do list.
For me, the trick was removing any and all pressure related to cooking.
Halfway into the pandemic, I stopped going to the grocery store.
It brought me too much anxiety.
I was terrified of catching COVID, and those long lines were just too much to bear.
Instead, I ordered frozen meals from Whole Foods and Amazon Fresh.
My husband and I also shifted our budget around so we could use ameal delivery service.
It was a doable balance.
During this time, my new motto was gentleness with myself and the kitchen.
Then after a couple of yearsyes, yearsI began to cook again.
When I was ready to go back, I started shopping locally.
This year, I felt ready to shop again.
This got me excited to cook again.
Shopping locally has just been bringing me so much more joy.
I made shopping into an event.
Pre-pandemic, I would shop quickly by myself, with a list and lots of intention.
Usually well pick a restaurant in the neighborhood of the market were trying that week.
I stopped following recipes.
Cooking, for me, is a creative expression.
Before the pandemic, I was a big recipe follower.
Now, I barely ever make anything I see online.
Stepping foot in a physical store has unleashed my creativity in a new way.
For example,this purple sweet potato pie recipemy blogFood Heavensmost popular recipe everwas born on a whim.
Plus, theres a mental health benefit to this for me too.
I brought fun into the kitchen.
Music was another significant factor that helped me feel good in the kitchen again.
I started to makekitchen playliststhat encouraged me to cook, dance, and be merry.
If cooking feeds my body, music feeds my soul.
Post-pandemic, I cook at my leisure to my favorite playlist.
It makes the experience feel way more lighthearted.
I came up with a realistic cooking system that works for where Im at now.
My relationship with meal planning had to change if I wanted to cook again.
Because the older I get, the more I have to honor what the heart wants.
And the heart doesnt want to meal prep anymore.
It may never return, and thats okay.
Instead, I had to find a way to reincorporate my new approach to cooking into my everyday life.
It looks a little different than it did before.
In addition to the meal delivery service, I only cook two to three meals per week.
Everything I make now is in real time.
Its fun to freestyle it.
There are no more recipes, only loose plans.
What excites me is when I can make something out of nothing.
I like the challenge of making a delicious, no-fuss meal out of randomness.
All in all, I love my new, gentler relationship with cooking and meal planning.
But it wouldnt have happened if I didnt give myself permission to take time off.
And I think we can all stand to give ourselves a little more grace in the kitchen.
