I am a full-timePilates instructorand mom of two adult children.
I am also a person withdepression.
This number was almost twice as high in women than men.
The writer (front) doing Pilates exercises on the reformer machine
Fitness professionals have a reputation for being upbeat, high energy, focused, and driven.
Thats just simply not the truth for me all of the time.
But being depressed and good at my job are not mutually exclusive.
The first time I remember being depressed was in elementary school.
In middle school, I was bullied, which exacerbated my feelings of depression.
I first started to feel the impact fitness had on mymental healthin seventh grade.
I found that I loved moving, and I loved how it made me feel, physically and mentally.
By the time I got to college, I was lifting and running a few days per week.
After college, I became a social worker, got married, and had kids.
I found myself juggling so many responsibilities.
At work, I felt like an imposter.
I did this for a few years, and it helped keep my depression at bay.
I began takingPilatesclasses twice a week after a friend recommended I try it, around 2006.
I didnt expect how big of an impact it would make on my mental health.
Pilates isnt just about physical fitness or raw strength: The exercises require practice, memory, and skill.
This form of movement was healing for me, and in particular, helped heal how I saw myself.
Most of the fitness professionals I admired seemed to be happy all the time.
Rarely had I seen anyone in fitness discuss anything too personal online besides their workouts or diets.
I started to wonder if I was trying to make it in a world where I didnt belong.
I knew I wanted to be honest with my clients, friends, and family about my depression.
Being an Instagram-perfect instructor doesnt make you relatable the way being honest about your struggles does.
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I felt like I was supposed to keep my personal issues to myself.
Going to therapy wasnt something that we spoke about much in my community.
And last year I foundedBlack Girl Pilatesduring a very depressing time in my life.
Imagine having to teach after Charlottesville, or after the death of Sandra Bland.
These events created an additional layer of fear and anxiety for me and other black women I know.
I am not always consistent, but I allow myself those inconsistencies because I am not perfect.
But I know it’s not just fitness that has helped.
And if you relate to my struggles, remember: You are not alone.
We are not alone.
