Being a fat person in asociety built for thin peoplecan be exhausting.
Pervasive anti-fat bias means that fat people can face challenges in meeting even our most basic needs.
We maystruggle to find health carethat isnt shaped by our providers biases or exclusionary policies.
Andrea Forgacs/Adobe Stock
Were expected to be confident, but if we show that confidence publicly, were upbraided for glorifying obesity.
These contradictory expectations dont just come from strangers, passersby in our lives.
Be confident, but nottooconfident.
Dont care what other people think, but do heed their instructions.
Love your body, but only in the way I want you to.
Like many fat people, I havespent a lifetimetrying to reconcile and meet each of these demands.
Maybe as you read this, youve longed to see me do something differently.
Maybe you want me to wear whatever I want with abandon.
Or maybe you think I shouldjust lose weight.
Do you want us to become thin?
What should we do in the meantime?
What do you do when thevast majority of us simplywontachieve that goal?
And why is it so important to you that fat people look the way you want us to look?
What would that change for you?
Are you working to double-check that fat people can access health care, clothing, and other basic necessities?
Do you want fat people to wear flattering clothing?
What about seeing fat people in clothing that you dont think is flattering makes you uncomfortable?
Should your discomfort with looking at fat peoples bodies outweigh our right to wear what we want?
Would fat peoples changed behavior change anything for you?
Do you have any meaningful life experience at the size of the person youre lecturing?
Have you asked them what they want and need?
Why is it important that they do what you do?
Too often, fat people shoulder the burden of navigating these many, complicated, and conflicting demands.
But fundamentally, thats not our responsibility.
Its on the people making those demands to make them make sense.
After all, our lives, like yours, are complex, slippery, and ever-changing.
No, the question of how to reconcile those conflicting demands isnt ours.
What do you want us to do?
Why do you want us to do it?
What qualifies you to advise us on experiences youve likely never had?
And why do you consider yourself an arbiter of what fat people should do at all?
