As ablackbisexual woman, I’ve learned there is little more beautiful, powerful, and healing than self-love.
While its great to see bisexual celebscoming outof the closetespecially bisexual women of colorits not enough.
Far too often, the B in LGBTQ is marginalized, or worse, completely forgotten.
The author before speaking at the People’s Defense Rally in opposition to Neil Gorsuch’s Supreme Court Justice appointment. Courtesy of Scott Bond-Theriault
Me:Yeah, I love it.
Them:And youre married to a man?
Them:Whats it like to work for an LGBTQ organization and be straight?
Bond-Theriault with her husband on their wedding day. Courtesy of Dustin Lewis ofDustin Lewis Images
Me:I wouldnt know.
Them:Oh, but youre so pretty and feminine.
If you see two women holding hands and think, They must be lesbians, thats bi-erasure.
Bond-Theriault speaking at the Global Gag Rule opposition rally on International Women’s Day 2017. Courtesy ofthe National LGBTQ Task Force
Unless you know them personally, it’s impossible to know how those women identify.
Thats entirely wrongbisexuals are as certain in oursexualityas anyone else.
No, its not a phase!
Yes, we can be monogamous!
In other words, were as diverse as any other group.
Sometimes bi-erasure is rooted in biphobia, or prejudice against bi people.
Other times, it stems from a lack of education about bisexuality and all that it entails.
Either way, it needs to end.
Eventually, stifling a major part of my identity became too much to bear.
Yes, sometimes I deal with frustrating conversations when people don’t understand my identity.
But coming out as bisexual made me feel safe and understood, like I’d finally made it home.
In that, I was lucky.
Many people cant come out safely for various reasons.
For some, staying in the closet is necessary for survival.
Bi-erasure also has real and dangerous effects on the physical health and well-being of bisexual people.
Theres no doubt that being bisexual chips away at ones privilege.
President Donald Trump’s Administration is made up of people whoexplicitly oppose LGBTQ equality.
It feels like they actuallydowant us to disappear.
And we cant fight against this alone.
If theyre a stranger, leave them be and be comfortable with not knowing.
We are all complex.
My bisexuality is inextricably linked with all my other identities.
But my experience is just thatmy experience.
Thats a great first step.
Candace Bond-Theriault is a writer, yogi, lipstick enthusiast and aspiring optimist.
Candace received her LL.M.
degree in politics and legislation from the American University Washington College of Law, her J.D.
from North Carolina Central University School of Law, and her B.A.
Her writing has appeared in the Advocate, the Grio and the Huffington Post.
She lives in Northern Virginia, with her husband and the cutest yorkie you’ve ever seen.
