Confession: I do not understand sexting.
Don’t get it, never have.
If he wants a blowjob, he can just roll over and ask for one.
Collage: Valerie Fischel, Images: Getty Images
But some of my friends have been raving to me about how hot sexting can be.
So why not give it a try?
OK, so fine.
I would try my hand (and thumbs) at sexting.
The plan was to send a few naughty texts while my boyfriend was out with friends.
You know, to get him all riled up before coming home.
I was actually really nervous about sexting him, weirdly.
So first, I had to get in the mood.
And like any proper journalist, I got inspiration from a quick Google search.
I had decided that for my first ever sexting attempt I’d go with something subtle.
Was thinking: “It’s too bad you’re not here right now.
I’m just getting out of the shower.”
But then he walked through the door before I could send my sexy sexy note.
I totally chickened out, and the night ended in burgers instead of hot texts and sex.
I had spent the day hanging out with friends at the beach.
I figured it would be great to send my dude a few mischievous missives on the train ride home.
I turned to my friend and asked her advice (totally lost at this sexting thing).
Her pointers (yes, I took notes): (1) Leave things to the imagination.
(2) Drop the sext, then keep it moving like a regular conversation to really confuse/titillate him.
(3) Use being drunk as an excuse, just in case it’s crucial that you bail.
Her suggestions were much more discreet.
The waves were really rough today, and I cant wait to be rough with you, for example.
She also schooled me in the art of emojis.
Instead, I got a lecture on body positivity.
And his cool emoji response was useless to keep up the sexy sexy banter.
File this as another fail.
Next, I thought I’d get more explicit by sending photos.
No one can mistake a nude pic for casual conversation, right?
There was one shot where my breasts were on full display.
We had to SEXT (dammit), and we had to do it right.
He thought my self-imposed challenge was funny, but was willing to give it a shot.
Imagine that: Communicating my desires to my partner meant that he became more responsive to my needs.
Not exactly rocket science, but a good reminder nonetheless.
For my fourth and final sexting attempt, I also decided to ask a pro for some advice.
Perks of being a journalist!
And he reiterated that sexting is all about the tease.
You want to leave your partner wanting more.
Texting is ordinarily a bit of a tease.
You see those three little blinking dots that show someone is composing a message to you, he says.
You want to know what they’re typing, but you have to wait.
That uncertainty is inherently erotic, even if the conversation is PG.
I filed that one away for later.
And then, one night on my way home from work, I kicked off the conversation.
But to be honest, we both had a good laugh, ate dinner, and watchedBlacklistre-runs on TV.
It seems like for me and my boyfriend, sexting falls into that category.
And that’s OK!
Ultimately I’m glad I gave it a shot.
No eggplant emojis needed.
