Kaillie Humphries is good under pressure.
Shes good at propelling a bobsled that weighs a few hundred pounds down an icy mountain.
Shes good at jumping into said sled quickly and with grace as it picks up speed.
Pat Martin
This year, women will also compete in monobobbing for the first time on an Olympic stage.
But competing in four-person sleds at the Olympics is still out of reach for women.
We are strong enough.
Pat Martin
We are fast enough.
We are skilled enough.
And we deserve the opportunity.
Pat Martin
It all came down to her U.S. citizenship app.
Hays has denied any such abuse.
I had to be okay with understanding that my career might be over, she says.
And I didnt know if Id get a new one.
The new investigation is ongoing.
Then, in early December, Humphries announced that she was officially cleared to become a U.S. citizen.
Im more emotional than I thought I would be, Humphries said in aUSA Bobsled/Skeleton press release.
Can you paint a picture for me?
Kaillie Humphries:The driver is 100% responsible for navigating the track.
So, in the two-man, both people start, and you push for the first 50 meters.
Then you jump in the sled as quickly and with as much gracebut also forceas possible.
Its small, precise movements that youre trying to steer the bobsled with.
It is nerve-racking, especially when you have somebody elses life in your hands.
Theyre at your mercy until you cross that finish line.
And some is through the rest of my body.
Can you tell me about the situation you left?
I fled an abusive and harassing environment.
In 2017, we got a new head coach.
Right from the first week, we butted heads.
And I thought, Okay, maybe its just me.
Maybe we dont get along.
But it would always culminate with a lot of yelling, screaming.
I would be publicly humiliated on a daily basis.
It would be something as simple as asking a question.
It didnt matter what I said or how I acted.
I was a target at any point.
The more I stood up for myself, the worse it got.
I got to the 2018 Olympics and I said, I cant do this anymore.
Im going to quit.
Or I need to walk away.
But I was crying on a daily basis and feeling so dehumanized and so victimized as a female.
Im so happy it wasnt every female who had to deal with this, but I did.
And none of the males were getting treated like this.
During the Olympics, we agreed I would have no communication with the coach.
And it worked out really well.
I had a great Olympics and walked away with a bronze medal.
But I knew something was really wrong post-Olympics.
I just crashed mentally, physically, emotionally.
I was getting rashes, hives, and daily headaches.
I saw doctors, an optometrist, was getting bloodwork done, brain scans.
I thought maybe years of bobsled were catching up on me.
But in working with a psychologist, I came to understand the definitions of emotional and mental abuse.
We determined thats what I was subjected to.
That culminated in being diagnosed with depression.
I knew my career with Canada was over, and I needed to make a change.
I asked to be released from Team Canada.
But Canada refused to release me.
I was in essence held sport-hostage.
They admitted publicly that they didnt want to compete against me.
All I wanted to do was to just walk away, and I wasnt even afforded that opportunity.
It really took everything I had and everything that my support system had to get me out.
And a lot of people respond, Oh, well.
She got yelled at.
Motivation is not verbal and mental abuse.
Id been yelled and screamed at, but never disrespected.
Never made to feel embarrassed or humiliated in front of others.
If Ive done something wrong and you raise your voice, thats fine.
As long as I dont feel less than human because of what youve said.
As long as what you are saying is still out of respect.
As long as whats being said is the same thing you would say to a guy.
How has this impacted your training as you get ready for Beijing?
There are some days when I just get so overwhelmed so quickly.
And if I do one task for the day, its good.
There are days when youre on the phone for 9, 10, 11 hours with lawyers.
And youre part of this investigation, reliving things over and over.
Its a lot of work to build yourself back up, and its not over.
Itll be my first Olympics for Team USA.
Im going to be just like every other first-time Olympian.
I know the Olympics and bobsled, but not as a part of Team USA.
It wasnt an easy decision.
I very much value the opportunity, the life, and the freedom the USA has offered me.
It took risking it all for be able to walk away.
There are different policies and procedures that need to take place to protect athletes.
There are some major holes that need to be filled.
And its taking women like Simone Biles standing up, saying, Im not okay to compete.
And Im going to put myself first.
I was so motivated by her doing that in Tokyo.
When youre thinking about the Games, do you think about having to encounter Team Canada?
You start to get butterflies when youre in an elevator and have to be next to them.
My team makes it okay.
It allows me to acknowledge that awkwardness but get right back to our task at hand.
Ive got everything that I need and I want, and I can perform from there.
And nobody can infiltrate that.
Obviously, professional athletes make a laundry list of sacrifices to get where they are.
The biggest one is family.
My husband and I have put off having kids for multiple years.
Its really great to see Allyson Felix have a kid, come back, and win medals.
But even she had to face battles.
I dont want this to be my only Olympics for Team USA.
So, I am looking toward 2026, but what does it mean to have kids?
Would I have the motivation to compete?
The amount of birthdays or holidays that Ive missed.
I hadnt gone back to Canada for almost three years since I moved down.
And youve got the financial strain.
I have probably $90,000 worth of just random steel runners that are only valuable to bobsledders.
I also have a bobsled, which is $100,000$150,000.
Thats a really nice car.
And I still have to pay my bills.
We still have to see to it that we have a place to live.
Physically, as well, what we put our bodies through.
I am very, very specific in what I do as an athlete.
And my bodys taken a toll.
I have no doubt its going to be busted by the time Im 65.
I risk tearing muscles.
I risk pulling myself apart with the explosivity and the power that I create.
How are you feeling about competing for the U.S. in February?
Whether its a new school, a new job, a new city, theres a transition period.
And for me, it was no different.
But I wouldnt have changed it for the entire world.
Im so happy with where Im at.
I feel so empowered as an athleteas a female athletein my position.
The professionalism and respect are huge within USA Bobsled.
Interview has been edited and condensed.Meet all of SELFs 2022 Olympic and Paralympic cover stars here.
