I used to write for a talk show on a tiny cable data pipe.
And I was forever astonished by how differently my male and female coworkers talked about their careers.
Whatever the goalgetting a promotion, earning a higher salary or having more timewomen often undervalue themselves.
For men, it’s pretty much the opposite.
Women are newer at the earning thing, so it’s tougher for us to think this way."
Women think they’re worth what people are willing to pay.
In other words, we let others determine our worth, whereas men set their own price.
Perhaps that’s why, for most women, being seen as greedy is the kiss of death.
“We’re not socialized to put a premium on things like power.”
Yet being powerful has its benefits.
The more power you have, the more money you’re likely to earn.
The more money you earn, the greater your ability to steer your own life.
“Money is inherently tied to self-determination,” Clayman explains.
She needs to come up with a bigger dream, including the financial part."
Thinking bigger means taking bigger risks.
“Instead of going for what they want, they go for what they think they can get.”
But by being passive, women are doing themselvesand their bank accountsan injustice.
That self-effacement isn’t merely confined to the boys' club of TV writing.
Think about it: How many female Mark Zuckerbergs do you know of?
I’ve experienced that dread of hearing no myself.
Not once have I said, “These are my salary requirements.”
Those who did increased their starting pay by about $4,000.
A decade later, women fall even further behind, earning only 69 percent as much as men.
(In education, which is predominantly female, we still earn 93 percent of what men do.)
All of which means we have to put in more hours merely to stay even with the guys moneywise.
The women I know don’t have those extra hours to spare.
For one thing, we’re more apt to be volunteering in our free time than men are.
Take an editor friend of mine we’ll call Olivia.
She’s the best in the businesssmart, thoughtful and creative.
She could make real money doing those things.
Instead, she grits her teeth and says, “No problem!”
(For tips on getting started, see “Play to Your Strengths” and “Extra!
you gotta be willing to go after the thing that scares youwhatever that is.
“We all have our Achilles' heel when it comes to pursuing a dream,” Zander says.
You also need to get comfortable with taking risks and competing.
“Most of us are awkward when it comes to selling ourselves,” Zander says.
“It’s one thing to venture to sell a handbag and be turned down.
Trying to sellyourselfor your abilities is another matter.
It makes us feel vulnerable.
To toughen yourself up, put yourself in situations in which you’re competing in small ways.
That could mean playing your boyfriend for points on the tennis court instead of simply hitting for fun.
You won’t always hit the mark, which is a good thing.
A bit of healthy competition helped ratchet up Zander’s career.
“A number of years ago, I trained a good friend of mine to become a life coach.
I wasn’t charging even half that amount!
That jolted meand prompted me to raise my own rates.”
Negotiating for more green is only one possibility.
You could request a loaner laptop or a travel allowance.
Or you could decide to spend your out-of-office hours pursuing your passion and getting paid for it.
“Recently, an acquaintance asked if I would help her polish the copy on her website.
Now I have tons of extra closet space and she has great marketing copy.”
I charge $125 an hour.”
“No one blinks,” she says.
“I’m putting the extra cash in a vacation fund.”
How is this advice relevant to me, a freelance writer, or to you, whatever you do?
I’ll admit, there are moments when asking for all these things makes me sick with nerves.
After all, I’m atleastas good as they are.
What do you love?
What are you great at?
Where do you want to be in 10 years?
Being able to answer these questions clearly and confidently will help you get what you deserve.
Forget about being humble.
“The point is to form a strong vision of who you are and how you’re great.”
Do a work-around.A good self-assessment includes writing down what you’re not so good at, too.
Then, instead of kicking yourself about your vulnerable areas, work around them.
Rally your pals.It’s easier to do scary things like ask for more money when you have some support.
So gather your circle around you and have each friend list your marketable assets.
(Bribe them with wine and cheese, if necessary!)
Give and take.Maybe you need check-ins with a friend to keep you accountable.
Maybe you need tough love.
Figure out what works for you, and ask for it.
Then turn around and do the same for your friends.
Remember: A rising tide lifts all boats.
But when a big percentage of the writers are female (as onMad Men), women gain traction.M.I.
Cast a wide net.
“Email doesn’t count.
Give yourself consequences (no reality TV!)
if you don’t follow through.
Feel free to revise your vows as you go.
As Zander says, “you oughta keep having new visions of what’s possible.”
Then watch your dreams come true.Paula Derrow
