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The vast majority of us, at some point, have experiencedfear.
Getty / Leon Bennett / Stringer
It crops up in insidious waysmaybe your heart starts racing and your breathing gets shallow.
Maybe a thought that you barely remember pops into your mind, and your stomach drops into your toes.
SELF: Can you take me back to when you decided thatProfessional Troublemakerwas your next book?
Ajayi Jones:I have been speaking about fear for years, but I didn’t realize it.
I even turned giving aTED Talkdownwhere I talked about feartwice before I finally said yes.
I was afraid that I wasn’t ready.
I was scared that I didn’t have the time for it or that I would bomb.
A friend of mine, Eunique Jones Gibson, caused me to say yes.
I said, I’m afraid that I’m going to bomb.
And she loaned me courage that I didn’t have.
I’ve gotten thousands of emails over the years from people who said the TED Talk made themtake action.
It proved to me that we spend a lot of time making decisions through the lens of fear.
And it stops us from doing what we’re supposed to do.
It makes us say no to yes opportunities.
SELF: Was there fear involved in putting your thoughts on paper during the pandemic?
Ajayi Jones:There was absolutely fear involved.
I had to write this book when the world shut down.
The world was like, Yeah, we have this pandemic that we’ve never seen before.
And here I was writing a book aboutfighting fear.
So it was a personal, a professional, and an emotional challenge.
SELF: What did that look likesay on a random day last March?
That’s what it felt like.
It was very meta to write during that really fearful time.
Don’t challenge a system that feels unjust.
SELF: Do you have any advice for how we can discern between being in danger and feeling uncomfortable?
In those moments when you are afraid,put it on paper.
What is the thing that you’re afraid of?
What is the worst thing that can happen?
Write that down to seeif that thing happensis your life destroyed?
How catastrophic is it going to be for you?
SELF: So often, at the core of fear, is the notion that you wont survive.
Ajayi Jones:Exactly.
If itisgoing to be catastrophic, surebe quiet.
Don’t do it.
The people I am encouraging to be professional troublemakers aren’t just on the margins.
I’m hoping somebody with power reads this book and says, I silence professional troublemakers around me.
SELF: Yeah, often marginalized people are the ones who have to speak truth to power.
As someone that is always speaking up, how do you care for yourself?
Ajayi Jones:Sometimes I just crash.
I’m a huge fan ofcandles.
I always have a candle lit in my house because I want it to just smell good.
My self-care also looks like sometimes saying, No.
Saying no is a big form of self-care for me because I can stretch myself quickly.
So it is a constant struggle.
I sometimes have to schedule self-care.
I’ve been blogging for 18 years.
I started incollege, and when I graduated I deleted that blog.
I started AwesomelyLuvvie.com to talk about the world as I see it now.
I had a full-time job in marketing, and I really loved it.
I kept writing, but I would just say, Oh, I’m a blogger.
I was afraid to call myself a writer because it felt too big.
Sometimes they show up in the moments when we need to own who we are.
In 2012, I got credentialed to do press coverage at the Academy Awards.
And here I am on the red carpet and backstage with journalists from CNN and NBC.
And there’s me: Awesomely Luvvie.
And my words got me in that room.
I think that’s when I finally was like, Ma’am.
You are out of excuses.
You’re a writer.
SELF: That makes a lot of sense.
Our fears look different.
One person might be really bold as a speaker in rooms, but are they telling themselves the truth?
Ajayi Jones:Let’s normalize fear without the guilt and the shame.
Let’s normalize feeling afraid.
That will transform society.
This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
