I have heard my clients talk negatively about their bodies.
I have observed how damaging body comparison can be.
I have witnessed the disconnect between body and self and have helped to heal those rifts.
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Fast forward a few more years, I rely on a walker and experience symptoms that change daily.
Living in a body with changing abilities is rather extraordinary.
In high school, I fell in love with shoes.
I felt like they made me look older, more sophisticated, and elegant.
I would ask my partner to park the car close to wherever we were going.
I would wear heels to walk into places where I knew I would sit.
I would take off my shoes if I was walking any great distance.
As my disease progressed, I wore my high heels in my home only.
I would walk in them as though I were practicing to wear them for real, but never did.
Nearly a decade ago, I stopped being able to wear my beloved heels.
But I didnt stop buying high heels for years after I was unable to wear them.
Sometimes I stood up in the heels.
Sometimes, I tried to walk around.
Sometimes I just looked at the shoes on my feet.
And then Id buy them.
I was stubborn, and insistent that I should be able to wear the shoes.
And then I had an experience that ultimately changed the way that I viewed myself.
I rented a scooter to get around at an eating disorder conference.
Making any grand ovations about how Ive been consistently graceful in the acceptance of my body would be insincere.
And by the way, Im under no illusions that body acceptance is what will free us all.
Its not that I think the way to change those structures is through individuals practicing body acceptance.
Body acceptance can mean different things.
Does this mean that sometimes I dont wish for something different?
Does it mean that I have “given up” or “given in?”
It simply means that I’m not fighting against the lived experience of this moment.
I’m staring my reality in the face, and responding gently, I see you.
I hear a lot from my clients about not wanting to accept their bodies as they are.
Not an impossible challenge, but certainly one that requires acknowledgement of the impossible standards we are working against.
My body is disabled.
Yours might be larger than someone elses or more wrinkled or less coordinated.
This is still your body.
Acknowledge that acceptance might require a period of grief.
This is where and how my clients have healed.
This is where and how I have chosen acceptance over agony.
