Theres nothing like visiting your parents to help you assess the origins of your personality traits.
He naps every single day and wakes up refreshed and kind.
Yet my mother and father do not know I cant sleep at all in the middle of the day.
Ilka & Franz/Getty Images
In fact, they assume Im quite the napper!
Ugh, youre so lucky youre like Dad, my sister will say.
A neighbor who comes every Thanksgiving always makes the acorn-doesnt-fall-far analogy.
The acorn has lied though.
Im almost never napping.
I dont believe it started this way, though.
It started with a genuine aspiration to nap.
Id go into it thinking there would be a complete break from the sources of fatigueno work!
no social plans!only to realize that there are, in fact, social plans galore.
There are siblings and cousins and family friends and other peopleeverywhere.
And also can I help my parents clear out the basement?
Of course I am a saint and very obliging, so I do really love to help.
But home is not as peaceful and quiet as I always think it might be.
The comfort of a childhood bed and washed-into-oblivion soft sheets call to me.
Im not that sleepy at all anymore.
I sometimes pretend to read.
I forget thatThe Economistis actually very good and that Henry Miller writes hot sex books.
I sometimes do my gentle physical therapy exercises.
I sometimes mustscroll.Mostly I just close my eyes and almost sleep.
Its more than a way to snatch alone time; it’s a way to acquire very sacredunstructured time.
If this appeals, and youre similarly nap-inept, I have so many tips.
Lights off, get under the covers, pretend to take it seriously.
Recruit the dog, the nap masters of the universe.
If you live this life: Turn on the noise machine.
If you dont live this life, leave us be, we dont owe you any explanation.
You cant be noisy, because youll give away your ruse.
No powering-on sound of the laptop.
No responding to the extended fam group chat, which youre obviously reading.
Its not just that you cant break the illusion for other peopleyou cant break the illusion for yourself.
It splits up the morning and afternoon into reasonable chunks.
Thats the stuff to put velvet in your spine.
The nap, which wasnt real, worked.
