Scenario 1
You’recooking a dinner for your family and friendsfor the first time ever.
Remember that cash you put away for buying some awesome Brian Atwood pumps?
Those are going to have to be Jessica Simpsons instead.
Head to the best local Chinese restaurant and pick up its top-selling items.
Who doesn’t want an excuse to eat nine Peking dumplings?
Also, Jessica Simpson shoes always look surprisingly expensive.
Enter to win Kaling’s new book,Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
She’s not trying to be an old busybody; she just wants to be pals.
She wants a connection with you, not the information.
I do this all the time.
That’s parent abuse.
But cooking an extravagant dinner for me?
Scenario 4
Your high school friends are home, too, and they seem to be everywhere.
Hang out with them or keep a low profile?
What evil popular person is fat now?
What weirdo is now cool and successful?
What teacher has been arrested?
And your cousin’s buffalo-chicken dip.
And your sister’s ambrosia.
And your dad’s turducken.
It’s a ghost town inhabited only by soy sauce packets and a few battery packs.
Everyone loves a big eater.
Calmly tell your hosts, “Hey, you should know I totally ate all those yummy bruschetta.”
First of all, they will be flattered.
Second of all, if they made only one plateful, that’s their problem.
This is America, where you expect every meal to be roughly the size of a baby carriage.
It’s a net positive.
Me-time is not for the holidays.
you better get all your me-time when you are in the bathroom.
Maybe this is when you try your 10-minute hair-conditioning mask.
The bathroom really is the only acceptable respite from family time, so choose your bathroom activities wisely.
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Hollywood’s Must-Cook Holiday Recipes
