Im still working towards taking my birth-story power back.
It was May of last year.
My baby was crowning.
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But his head didnt budge.
Its time to prep for a C-section.
I was not one of those pregnant people who had a very detailedbirth plan.
I really only knew that I wanted an epidural and for my baby to breastfeed shortly after birth.
That I would get to hear him cry tears of consciousness as he entered into the world.
Thankfully, my surgery went really well.
But right as they took him away for standard newborn testing, I instantly felt so much shame.
Why couldnt I have delivered him vaginally?
Just then, a nurse in the room was relaying the notes of my delivery to another person.
She said the date and time of my babys birth.
Then she said, delivered via C-section for failure to deliver vaginally.
I darted my eyes in her direction, and she immediately looked away in what I hope was embarrassment.
The anger I felt at that nurse immediately turned inward.
But life isnt a simple Hollywood montage.
Were all unique, so why would bringing life into the world look the same for every single person?
The basic answer is: It doesnt.
We each need personalized care and support.
Even with this realization, I still felt the societal pressure to have had a natural delivery.
For me, this stigma translated into a lesser-than birth experience.
Fortunately, I did not have to struggle with my thoughts and feelings alone.
She was able to help me find the clarity that I needed to begin to process my experience.
I virtually joined a local-mom data pipe where I met other moms who had similar experiences to mine.
I know people who have conceived throughin vitro fertilizationand others who have chosen surrogacy or other parenting routes.
All of these individuals are loving parents.
Whether or not they birthed their children, vaginally or otherwise, doesnt actually matter.
What does matter is that they are parenting with love and compassion.
Ive started to heal from my experience by recognizing how lucky I actually am.
I had the privilege of carrying my child for a full-term pregnancy.
I got to experience him coming into the world and taking his first breath.
Sure, I did not do it alone.
I had the help of my medical team.
Not only is that completely valid, but its also actually something to celebrate and to be proud of.
Somewhere along my postpartum journey, Ive been able to slowly turn a corner towards acceptance and healing.
Most important, Im on a path towards peace and healing.
Im starting to reclaim my power as a birthing person and as a mother.
