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We never talked about race, and I was shocked that she brought it up.
Utamaru Kido/Getty Images
She asked me to consider what my life would be like if I was not white.
What kind of problems would you havethen?
Her question hit like a punch to the gut.
Id never once thought about what life was like for Black and brown people.
But I couldnt get her question out of my mind.
I wanted to know the source of itwhy shed brought it up.
So over the next few years, I kept asking about her anti-racist activism.
It also initiated the anti-racist journey Ive been on ever since.
It takes sustained action over time to make real change.
And what many white people dont realize is that it starts with understanding historyand yourself.
Heres what Ive learned on my anti-racist journey so far.
First, I had to wake up to my whiteness.
Before then, I thought of myself as neutralas raceless.
Race belonged to people of color.
I didnt have a race.
In the workshop, I discovered how untrue this was.
After the workshop, I understood that I was not some neutral being.
I existed inside a racial category, and that category waswhite.
Coming to terms with that past and our present requires doing homeworkself-education and self-reflection.
We need to know ourselves as white people and ask: What does whiteness mean?
Then I had to quit being colorblind.
And if skin color was just a color and nothing more, then it didnt matter.
(Bernice King, MLKs daughter, has been quite vocal about thison Twitter.)
People of color are not having the same experiences as white people, she explains.
A lot of people confuse racism with bigotry and discrimination,Maurice Lacey, M.S.W., M.S.
At PISAB, we define racism as race prejudicepluspower.
All people have race prejudice, including people of color.
Were socialized to look at racism on an individual level, but its much bigger than that.
Our system puts white people at the top and everybody else at the bottom, says Lacey.
That can be hard to grapple with.
Ive heard white people say things like: But my ancestors didnt own slaves!
or But my ancestors arent even from here!
They immigrated to the U.S. after slavery ended.
Then I could take on anti-racist beliefs, behaviors, and actions.
The termanti-racisthas been around for a long time, and its being used a lot right now.
But what does it actually mean?
In other words, you dont become an anti-racist to help BIPOC.
We all suffer under this value system every day.
Of course, white people suffer less than BIPOCbut it makesallof us miserable on some level.
Racism cuts us off from our humanity, says Nilsson.
And the worst part is we dont even know how disconnected we are.
Kivel adds: Anti-racism is a practice.
Its a verb, not an identity.
You understand how were all being destroyed by racism, and you have a commitment and passion for justice.
Its asking myself: Where do I hold power and privilege?
You dont have to be the boss or the head of your family to be a gatekeeper.
Being an anti-racist is hard work, and it can be painful.
White people may get tired and decide they would rather not do it, says Dr. Tatum.
There is no such thing as passive anti-racism.
And as Lacey told me, Once youve set out on your anti-racist journey, theres no going back.
