On what feels like the 1998th day of March, thispandemicdoesnt seem to be going away anytime soon.
And a vaccine wont change what weve witnessed in the last nine-or-so months.
Weve seen friends and family lose their jobs and their livelihoods.
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The economy is in trouble.
The weekend leading up to Thanksgiving saw arecord highnumber of travelers since mid-March.
Many people will probably travel for the upcoming holidays as well.
Some people are Instagramming party pics from some alternate universe where the pandemic doesn’t exist.
I stuck to CDC recommendations for months, dont I deserve a break?
Isnt time with loved ones more precious than ever?
Things will be just fine, right?
And its long past time we retire it.
I was not only a consumer but a purveyor of a different form of toxic positivity.
I saw the silver lining and was basking in its carefree glow, thank you very much!
This would be over soon!
Wed all be okay with minimal damage!
I pushed aside any thoughts or news that crept in my direction that suggested otherwise.
I wasnt ready to come to terms with it.
I received an afternoon phone call from my dad.
My granny had contracted COVID-19.
I dont remember much of the conversation that followed.
I know he mentioned low blood oxygen levels.
That she was comfortable at a nearby hospital but to prepare myself as it didnt look good.
And, no, we werent going to be able to see her.
Days later, at around 4 AM on April 27th, my sweet granny left us.
Suddenly, looking at all the positives seemed empty and utterly tactless.
What possible bright side could exist in a world where I couldnt properly say goodbye to my granny?
And sure, some of those things could be true I suppose.
But I didnt want to hear it; I still dont.
These silver lining platitudes usually only benefit the person reciting them, not the receiving party.
When you say, At least… youre asking someone to be grateful that their immeasurable pain isnt worse.
Even with good intentions, these phrasesinvalidatevery real pain, fear, and other uncomfortable and bad feelings.
They ignore how important it is to let people feel sad and lost and scared and uncertain.
These sayings create further distance in times when connection is needed most.
But sadly, thats often what it takes.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we shouldnt hold on to whatever actual bright sides we can find.
By all means, we can and should do those things.
These are absolutely vital to our well-being right now.
There are so many people leaning on positivity to help themselves feel better during these wildly hard times.
There’s even space to offer respectful words of encouragement to others.
It’s just about knowing your audience well and reading the room.
And when in doubt, you might always ask, “What would be most helpful right now?”
Because toxic positivity turns too easily into permission.
Sure, Everything will be okay!
And thats a surefire way to raise the odds that it wont be.
The real issue rests in routine recklessness followed by a shrug of,Oh well!
Yes, these things are lonely.
Yes, theyre hard.
Uncomfortable and boring even.
