I find it a little magical that so many people are having articulate and vulnerable conversations during thispandemic.
But theres an ever-changingemotional climateto consider.
We dont always know how our off-hand sentences will make someone feel.
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OMG, I cant imagine being all by myself, they muse.
You must be so lonely.
I dont know how you do it.
(My standard reply: Meh.
I take it day by day.)
There were classic questions about when wedfinallyfind someone.
(Of course, coupled people faced scrutiny too.
There was pressure to get married and questions aboutkids.
Basically, people always have opinions on your next step, no matter your relationship status.)
Its really weird to have your everyday state of affairs framed as an insurmountable deficit.
After being alone for almost three months, I am, in fact, lonely.
Feeling lonely isnt overwhelmingly fraught for me anymore; its a circumstance through which I have to navigate.
Having someone suggest that loneliness is the central catastrophe of my life isnt comforting for either party involved.
I typically end up reassuring the well-meaning folks who simply cant imagine how Im getting by.
I dont have to watch the people I love shirksocial distancingmeasures (I trust they arent).
No one smells me if I skip ashower(though I smell me, which isnt ideal).
I play the samesongover and over without reproach.
I sing loud and off-key.
I open my curtains way too early and burn scented candles all damn day.
I cant think of another time in my life when Ive so unapologetically nourished myself.
I might be Virginia Woolfs wildest dream.
I live with a constant concern that the coronavirus will force me togrievea loved ones death in isolation.
Theres a distinct bodily sensation that comes from having not beentouchedin almost three months.
I dont know how to cook for one, and sometimes my leftovers mock me.
On bad days theres no shoulder on which to rest my head.
I cant just jump on the train and grift Costco provisions from the people who raised me.
The cell phone light from my 3 a.m. anxiety-Googling doesnt disturb anyone (except me).
They go off like an alarm clock and blare for hours.
Its like listening to a Spotify playlist of only the songs you hate.
So, yes, Im living alone during this pandemic, and sometimes its overwhelming.
But when someone decides how unbearable my life is for me, Im compelled to defend it.
Because its complicated, beautiful, terrifying, courageous, and boring.
Most of all, its mine.
Not everyone feels this way.
Some people purr like happy kittens when folks acknowledge the struggles involved in living alone.
Its all relative, and its impossible to know how these things come across.
So, my advice?
Just ask people how theyre holding up right now.
Let your loved ones tell you how they feel.
Ask about the challenges (and triumphs), allow for the nuance and contradictions.
Know that were all just trying tosurvive.
