I sat on the floor in the bedroom and thought long and hard about it.
How could I affix that belt to the door and wrap it around my neck to take my life?
I was overwhelmed with sadness and guilt and I wanted it to end.
COREY TOWERS
I also thought it would be easier for everyone if I wasnt here.
She accepted the terms; the alternative was homelessness.
I felt like I had to hide myself, not be seen.
COREY TOWERS
I tried to take up as little space as possible until I felt incredibly small, worthless.
But the fact is I was visible.
I knew how hard it was for my mother to find low-income housing.
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I knew how hard it was for her to keep three constantly growing kids clothed and fed.
So I seriously thought aboutending my life.
I was 8 years old.
Depressionhas been a constant part of my life since then.
A lot of people dont know that.
Like most black people its not something I talk about openly with everyone.
Im already black, a woman, and overweight.
Why add another stigmatized identity?
Why give people another reason to doubt my capability?
Why threaten my professional reputation?
But our silence is killing us.
Physical conditions can often be related to untreated mental health issues.
Racism and our response to it kills us more than anything."
Demonstrators and police clashed.
Military tanks rumbled down streets.
Even after the war zone atmosphere subsided, people were left reeling.
Black people are 10 percent more likely to report serious psychological distress than non-Hispanic whites,according to theU.S.
Department of Health and Human Services Office of Minority Health.
Every day you are struggling against a known traumatic event called racism, Robinson says.
Thats damaging to the psyche."
Even facing a heightened risk of mental health issues, many of us don’t seek treatment.
Mental health doesnt top the priorities list.
Studies show a link between this kind of active coping strategy and high blood pressure.
Centuries-old archetypes project black women as having bodies and nerves of steel and make it unacceptable to show vulnerability.
Thats a luxury black people feel they cannot afford in a world that already perceives them negatively.
These notions of strength and weakness extend into perceptions of mental health and treatment thereof.
White people can afford to be human, be vulnerable,seek mental health care; black people cant.
So you are born out of a legacy of traumahistorical traumaand in the current day you still experience it.
It only makes for individuals to be distrustful of larger institutions.
For many black people, the church is where they turn for mental and emotional relief.
Being able to express how you feel is a great form of self-care.
Studies show thathaving faith is good for your health," she says.
But black peoples dependence on the church only for mental wellness can be problematic.
So many people take their problems to their clergy first, Coleman says.
The average clergy person is ill-equipped to deal with most of the stuff that comes to us.
She adds that sometimes messages about mental health and spirituality clash.
Those kinds of things negate the experiences that people have around mental health.
But finding a therapist can be hard.
Maybe, she suggested, it was just my attitude.
Ive only seen black women therapists since then.
If finding a therapist is hard, finding a black mental health professional can feel impossible.
And that often doesn’t happen.
His barbershop initiative coaches barbers to talk to their clients about mental health.
TV shows and celebrities raising awareness about mental health issues also help to start community conversations, she says.
Fox’s hitEmpireaddresses one character’s bipolar disorder and his family’s complex reaction to it.
Not because shes a terrible person, but because she thought it was a joke.
For me, seeking mental health services became necessary when the depression became overwhelming.
But Ive worked to manage it and seek help.
Visit the websiteafricanamericantherapist.comto find black therapists in major cities.
