The Emmy-winning actor didnt hold back when it came to the racism shes experienced in her life.
I’m a child of the 60s, she said.
It was so vulgar.
Paras Griffin/Michael Ochs Archives/Images Press/Ron Galella, Ltd./Getty Images/Amanda K Bailey
At a time of integration, you know, white kids werent picking you for their team.
Black kids sometimes didnt pick you because of the way you spoke or where your parents came from.
Trying to compete with others, especially yourself, you just lose.
Im SELFs editor in chief, Rachel Wilkerson Miller.
Our guest today is SELFs March cover star, Emmy Awardwinning actress Sheryl Lee Ralph.
Sheryl, welcome to the show.
How are you doing today?
Sheryl:Im great today and good to be here with you.
Sheryl:Oh my God.
Rachel:I mean, those are both so hard to do.
Sheryl:Oh my God.
Rachel:[Laughs.]
He said, Youre, youre, youre kind of fast.
And at the same time, you have to give yourself time to catch up.
And then you go into the entertainment industry, which is so looks-focused; its also racist.
And I think that would take a number on a lot of peoples self-esteem.
And you said, you know, you wish you had been more patient.
Sheryl:It was so interesting to be one, uh, to be a young Black girl.
And they used to call me liver lips and I used to feel so bad about myself.
Sheryl:It was just horrible.
And it was like a sense of empowerment.
And had I known then that these lips would become all the rage, my God.
Rachel:[Laughs.]
Sheryl:Oh my… Its so crazy.
Had I only
Rachel:Yeah.
Sheryl:…known, and to be a curvy girl.
It was so vulgar, with all of its ins and outs.
And now thick is in, its all the rage.
Sometimes you just need patience and time.
Would you say you were impatient when you were younger?
Sheryl:Real go-getters.
Sheryl:Oh my God.
Once I got up on the mountain, I was not backing down.
I wasnt going back, I was going up.
I wanted to see what was up there on the mountaintop.
So I was just going, going, going.
Sometimes people slip and they fall, you know, a lot of times people drop off the mountain.
It just, it just didnt stop.
Oh, youve chosen the wrong path, or you should do something else.
Rachel:You strike me as somebody whos very confident.
Is that accurate or is that how you would describe yourself?
Sheryl:Its my superpower.
Rachel:[Laughs.]
Its a good one to have.
Have you always been that way?
Sheryl:Oh no, I had to learn it.
I had to learn it.
Sheryl:So I learned very easy.
Pick your own team, put people on your team.
There are a lot of people feeling like a loser just like you.
Thats really lovely advice.
Sheryl:And you have to really learn how to root for yourselves.
But like, thats a hard-won lesson I think for a lot of people.
Even if you know it in theory, its hard to put into practice.
And if you cant love it, respect it.
Sheryl:And if you cant love it, lift it up.
But be, by all means, be kind to it.
Too many people are horrible to themselves.
The things they say to themselves, Im too this, Im too that.
Oh, I wish I was like this.
Oh, why couldnt I be more like that?
You know what, you gotta come to the fact that you are what you are.
Sheryl:…and move forward with that.
You know, trying to compete with others, especially yourself, you just lose.
Rachel:Well, I wanna pivot a little bit to talk about your family.
Sheryl:I do.
And if nobody’s gonna share it with you, buy that book for yourself.
I was also very blessed and fortunate that I had a Black male ob-gyn.
Sheryl:And this doctor cared for the…. Oh my God.
He got ill and he passed away.
Sheryl:And it was amazing because he cared for us.
I didnt know I was in distress.
And he said, No.
He said, You needed extra care.
And I was like, Oh my God.
You know, very often women get into distress and they dont have the proper care.
They dont have the person that says, Wait a minute, whats going on here?
What is different about this pain?
What is different about the position of this baby?
What is different about this delivery?
So finding a great doctor who really sees you means a lot.
Sheryl:And really wants to care for you.
Sheryl:And Im in a major city in America
Sheryl:…and you only have one?
Like Im, I didnt even think about it.
But I didnt even think to speak up for myself in that particular way.
Sheryl:Somebody has to be connected with your history because sometimes these are silent killers.
Rachel:I know.
Rachel:Its
Rachel:…its a very fraught experience.
So
Sheryl:Yeah.
And the way that you talked about losing so many friends, I found incredibly moving.
Rachel:…like, just resonated with me.
Sheryl:Oh, I would tell young Sheryl, Look, I know its gonna be hard.
I know its gonna look like theres no end in sight.
I know youre gonna learn some very hard lessons about life and people, but thats good.
Thats good for you and youre gonna carry that with you.
And trust me, it will all work out.
Rachel:Im sure.
Sheryl:It was… Oh my God.
Then on top of it, the number of men that literally got their heads blown off.
Sheryl:You know?
Sheryl:And Im saying their heads blown off.
And they asked me over and over, Why would you do that?
And I could never understand that question.
Why would I simply dare to care, to fight for your, my, my friends?
My
Rachel:Right.
These are your people.
Of course you care.
But we find it, we find it difficult.
And I find it very, very sad and disheartening.
Rachel:It is.
And I think sometimes I feel despair about how we just sort of dismiss.
And I feel really-
Sheryl:Absolutely.
Cause I think thats where a lot of us get stuck.
We feel angry or we feel sad but dont know what to do about it.
Sheryl:A young Black man who was killed simply for running.
Sheryl:He, he was runyou know, like a runner run.
Going for a run.
Sheryl:Just a
Rachel:Yep.
Sheryl:…going for a run.
And he stopped to look at a construction site and somebody said, Hey, you.
And that was the end of his life.
They chased him down in the street.
And that has now evolved into their own nonprofit WalkGood LA.
Sheryl:Oh my God.
And the first time I am invited, I win.
Rachel:I mean, thats a flex.
So your first time there and youre on stage winning an award.
Sheryl:Oh, it was crazy.
Rachel:Its wild.
Sheryl:It was, it was just crazy.
And to tell you the truth, I was very happy just being a guest.
I was very happy just being in the room.
And I was so thankful, so grateful, so happy.
And I guess it just spilled out and the world felt it too.
Rachel:I think so.
And so I think thats part of what meant so much.
I mean, I, people know you from so many different things.
And I think that also was just like, what a special thing to see somebody achieve this.
Something that felt, I think, long overdue to a lot of people.
It might have been a delay, but I was not denied.
Sheryl:And its not going to happen before then.
Sheryl:There is no timeframe that is too bad or too late.
It is all good.
And God is there for you.
Just, just hang in there.
And I think its really nice to see what work success looks like in these later decades.
And I think thats part of what people find so exciting.
And its not like, its not like you were waiting this whole time for career success.
Sheryl:Oh, absolutely.
And she was an actress and she said
Sheryl:Im 98 years old and here I am.
And I was just like, Yeah, thats right.
Here I am 40 years and, and now I am an overnight sensation.
Sheryl:Thank you.
This many years in the making.
Sheryl:Oh my God.
I took a picture of myself on that day.
I wonder where it is.
Sheryl:And I remember thinking, Im a woman now.
Sheryl:I am a woman now.
And I ran into a big-time casting agent.
And, uh, she asked, What, what, well, what are you doing now?
And I said, Well, you know, Im not doing too much.
And I was like, Wow.
And it just sort of changed things for me.
And, um, I literally did that for myself.
Well, my last question for you is, What is the best advice that youve ever received?
Sheryl:Oh my God.
I would have to say my Aunt Virginia, well really wasnt my aunt, but always felt like.
Rachel:[Laughs.]
Sheryl:Same ass you kick today, you might have to kiss tomorrow.
Oh
Sheryl:…now that was some good advice.
Rachel:Thats really good advice.
Sheryl:Oh, Ive seen that quite a few times.
Rachel:Thank you so much again.
Were so thrilled to have you on SELFs cover.
Sheryl:Thank you so much.
Transcription provided by Rev.com, and lightly edited for clarity.
