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Its the same hormone responsible for all the warm-and-fuzziesyouget even when youre taking care of someone else.
Monika Jurczyk/Adobe Stock
Our go-to stress response is an attempt to establish safety through social engagement, she says.
After all, at a basic level, were a tribal society, and theres strength in numbers.
A barrage of forces can keep you from engaging in the tend-and-befriend response to stress.
Certain aspects of your upbringing could also make you less likely to process stress socially.
The result could be anavoidant attachment style.
And yet, learning to embrace the tend-and-befriend response can help you move through stress more smoothly.
But theres also just the natural human response to improving someone elses mood or mental state.
You see your loved ones smile, and that brings a smile to your face, Usatynski says.
Lending a helping hand to a loved one also has a way of psychologically separating you from your stressors.
But helping others can get you out of your own head.
Not to mention, it puts you in a position of control, Dr. Daramus says.
Successfully calming down someone else can remind you of your capability to do the same for yourself.
You have to know how you naturally react to stress for intervene in that process.
Its key to know whether youre a fighter, fleer, or freezer, Usatynski says.
The tricky thing is, these patterns are often unfolding below our conscious awareness, she says.
For instance, you might ask them, How do I come across when Im under threat?
Do I get big and scary?
Or, do I just shut down and walk out of the room?
Heres where you want to have a fewgrounding strategiesin your back pocket.
These interactions can certainly be digital, but its even better if theyre IRL.
Usatynski emphasizes that we need proximityface-to-face, eye-to-eye contactwith flesh-and-blood humans to make our brains feel comfortable with them.
(If youre in need of one, heres our full guide tofinding a great therapistyou can afford.)
But these myths negate a natural function of humanity: both giving and receiving support.
And nearly every time, theyll suggest reaching out to friends and family.
This often helps them realize that theyre no different in the compassion and care they deserve, she says.
Dr. Daramuss other tip?
Just push through the icky feeling even one time, and see what happens.
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