People often go totherapyto find someone who wont be judgmental when they spill the uncomfortable feelings theyve buried.
Or they might want to find someone who can help them unearth those feelings theyve stuffed down deep.
Sometimes, however, thats easier said than done, especially when those feelings revolve aroundsex.
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Sex is something many people dont discuss with their closest friends or even their partners.
Is it okay to talk about sex if your therapist isnt specifically a sex therapist?
How can you even start the conversation?
And what will you get out of it if you do?
Im realizing that internalized anti-fatness has really messed with the way I think about sex.
Through therapy, Im realizing that internalizedanti-fatnesshas really messed with the way I think about sex.
Julies therapist is helping her realize that anti-fat culture has made her believe shes not attractive.
Her therapist has also encouraged her to notice all the other ways her partner shows love and desire.
So I can understand her perspective when my brain spirals.
I had been so in my own head, I didnt consider external factors.
Abigails therapist asked her to take a moment to consider how her overall circumstances might be impacting her libido.
Thin walls and family are certainly the antitheses of setting the mood, Abigail explains.
I came to the realization that I use sex in relationships to try and provide worth.
John D.*, 36, started going to therapy after adivorce.
Through the therapeutic process, he recognized patterns in his marriage and from other relationships throughout his life.
Johns therapist helped him realize that what he often wanted was intimacy.
In my 20s, I would have sex with women but feel terrible about myself afterward.
I didnt know why.
I was a dude.
Were supposed to be thrilled to be smashing and dashing, he says.
Allys new therapist helped her reach several breakthroughs.
First, Ally has come to realize that being raped was not her fault.
Allys therapist has also helped her figure out relationships with her family.
My mother did not handle it well, and there was no legal process, she explains.
Eventually, through therapy, Ally was able to heal over her mothers reaction.
Her therapist helped herwrite a letterto her mothera letter she never sent but that helped her process her emotions.
She also helped Ally tell her older sister, who didnt know about the sexual assault.
Ally is still seeing her therapist, who continues helping her work through her sexual trauma.
Dont have sex with people who dont give a fuck about you.
Amber and her therapist worked up to this realization through many conversations about unsatisfying relationships.
Ambers therapist helped her recognize little behaviors that might be potentialred flags.
One guy would never introduce me to his friends, even though I asked.
Now Amber is starting to recognize when someone is only interested in sex.
So, how do you bring up sex with your therapist?
For some of the people we spoke to, talking to their therapists about sex was no big deal.
But for other people, sex can feel like an awkward topic.
If youre nervous, take comfort in knowing that sex discussions are probably completelynormalfor your therapist.
Its not awkward or abnormal at all.
Sometimes clients talk about their feelings about sex by talking about another person, she says.
you could also be more direct and ask your therapist something like, Are you comfortable talking about sex?
Or on the flip side, you’ve got the option to start with your discomfort.
Or they might ask you what you’re gonna wanna feel more comfortable and safe.
Ultimately theres no one right way to start a sex conversation with your therapist.
When should you see a sex therapist instead?
That might include someone who has sexual issues that have a psychological component, Chu says.
*Name has been changed.
