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Which is…kind of fucked up!
Morgan Johnson
Not wanting to do something optional and fairly low-stakes is a perfectly good reason to not do it!
Sometimes having close relationships means doing things that arentreallyyour idea of a good time.
You should definitely give your friends improv show or housewarming party real consideration before you reflexively refuse.
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
In those situationswhen you cantechnicallygo, but you just dont want toits actually OK to decline.
You cant really be your happiest, most authentic self if you regularly abdicate this responsibility.
Beyond that I look at saying no to hangout requests as a gateway drug to setting boundaries in general.
Do it a few times and youll begin to see that a cornucopia of possibility and freedom awaits!
), and being canceled on at the last minute is pretty frustrating for others.
Also frustrating: Hanging out with a person who doesnt actually want to be there!
Agreeing to do something youreallydont want to do isnt necessarily kind; it can actually be pretty selfish.
Of course, sometimes they really do care if you say yes!
Finally remember that by declining you arewhether it feels this way or notactually showing up for the other person.
If you cant do this for yourself, do it for Future Them.
It just takes practice.
As always you might and should tweak these so they feel right for the request and the relationship.
Treat saying no as normal (because itisnormal).
Oh, thank you so much for thinking of me!
Unfortunately I wont be able to make it, but thank you for the invitation!
Oh, that sounds lovely, but I wont be able to make it.
But have a great time!
But have a great time!
But thank you for thinking of me!
But thank you for the invite!
Roller skating isnt really my thing, so Im going to sit this one out!
Thank you for thinking of me, but [music festivals/the beach/amusement parks] arent really my speed!
You could also add something like, But Id love to see you and catch up soon!
How about [some alternative programming that you both enjoy]?
But I hope the stars will align soon and Ill be able to attend!
In that case, you might just say, “but thank you for the invitation” instead!
Let me check my calendar and get back to you!
(And then actually get back to them quicklydont wait for them to follow up!)
A note on making up excuses
I am in general against fabricating a reason when declining an invite.
This outcome is good for exactlyno one.
(Which may or may not be true.
But even if itisabout them, youre probably not trying tocommunicatethat.)
But also: Refusing an invitation is not that deep!
By the way…
So remember: If someone declines your invitation, its really, really OK.
It doesnt necessarily mean they dont like you, or that they dont want to be your friend.
It might mean they dont want to be your friend.
So they must feel pretty strongly about this.
And theyre giving you permission to say no to them someday.
So if someone says, I cant make it, let that be good enough.
Trust that they have their reasons, respect their willingness to protect their TME, and move on.
If someone says, I dont like roller skating, believe that they simply dont like roller skating.
If someone says they are too busy, dont judge them for spending the evening doing nothing instead.
(Making the choice to do nothing when you are otherwise busy is a big deal!)
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