All products featured on Self are independently selected by our editors.
However, we may receive compensation from retailers and/or from purchases of products through these links.
This article is part of SELFsKeep It Hotpackage, a collection of content that celebrates love and lust.
Gracia Lam
for months to years after the 68 weeks that are considered postpartum.
Im kidding, obviously.
Culturally, it feels like Mom doesnt cum.
On a hundred sitcoms, Momtsksas her hapless husband and kids track mud through the house.
Mom keeps order; she stands with her hands on her hips and scolds like theAngry Mama microwave cleaner.
In those moments when Ive (justifiably!)
This is new territory for meand for mysense of self.
Have I mentioned that I historically love every aspect of sex?
That I love both spending time with my kidandseparately spending intimate time with my partner?
In my relationship, reserving the energy to access our erotic personas has required establishing some structure.
Here are a few of our (loose!)
rules, plus two sex therapists advice on keeping it hot when youre a tired-out parent.
In other words, foreplay isnt an activity, its a lifestyle.
It causes our bodies to brace, rather than to relax into an experience.
Hochberger suggests lying on your back together with your eyes closed for somedeep breathing.
If tuning into each other turns into satisfying sex, great.
If not, youre still stoking the intimacy fire.
Let go of the belief thatschedulingisnt sexy, says Voron.
What’s more unsexy is just not having sex until you feel like theres a spontaneous moment for it.
She recommends looking at your calendar together to find a time when your energy-level peaks overlap.
So many things can pop up to derail your Sunday Sex Night.
Then theres the most common culprit: One or all of you is sick from the latestschool-fueled virus.
You cant fake it if youre truly not feeling up to it.
Discussing our wonderful son is a splash of ice water in my lap.
My erotic persona cannot emerge if I was talking about parent-teacher conferences five minutes ago.
This is a very reasonable boundary held by a lot of couples, Voron says.
(My toys, on the other hand, often make an appearance.
I cant recommendthe Maudevibrator enough).
story in your head.
Some periods might be more sex-focused than others, Hochberger says.
Well be evolved versions of our past selves, just as we are now.
I cant wait to meet her.
